Mario Working for SNK
by Mr. Lewis
Summary: Nintendo gives Mario the sack, and Mario seeks employment from SNK
1. Nintendo gives Mario the sack

This is a semi-true tale about Mario working for SNK. Featuring characters mainly from Nintendo SNK and Sega. It also contains sex, violence, references to drugs, alcohol, and crap games, so enjoy it if you can, and if this offends you, tough.  
  
Mario working for SNK chapter 1: Nintendo gives Mario the sack  
  
1993, The Nintendo head office in Osaka, Japan. It is here that the great Nintendo superstars such as Donkey Kong, Fox McCloud and unfortunately, Pikachu work to make their games. Nintendo big boss and family-friendly video game guru, Shigeru Miyamoto, sits at a desk, in a "Big Boss" type chair, surrounded by a game boy shaped laptop computer, and crappy Pokemon merchandise, holding a Cuban cigar. On the other side of the desk is Nintendo's mascot/ poster boy, everybody's favourite Italian plumber Mario, who is looking pretty nervous, since his last project was a huge flop.  
  
Shigeru- do you know why I've summoned you here?  
  
Mario- No, boss. Is it-a-because of the clogged up Koopa in the executive toilets? Because it-a-wasn't-a-me. I swear it was those jerks who did it. They set-a-me up, honest.  
  
Shigeru- no I'll talk about that later, but it does explain why the bogs were smelling of turtle shit. Anyway, I'm here to talk about the last project.  
  
Mario is looking nervous now, as he is starting to sweat.  
  
Shigeru- you see, Mario, Dr. Mario was hands down one of the biggest disasters in Nintendo history, and I'm not talking about the game play. We got a shit load of complaints about the contents. One says right here "The game contained way too many drug references unsuitable for kids. I binned the abomination afterwards".  
  
Mario-Oh come on, boss. They were only pills.  
  
Shigeru- pills that contained vast amounts of high-class drugs such as Crack cocaine, LSD, Ecstasy, and Viagra, a drug which you were taking heavy doses in the game itself, setting a terrible example for kids. And one said "after playing that filthy game, my son died after a drug overdose" how do you explain that.  
  
Mario-sorry, boss. I've-a-got issues.  
  
Shigeru- not to mention you being the prime suspect of a drive-by shooting involving the Streets of rage characters, and the whole court case over the whole "Magic mushroom" scandal  
  
Flashback to the mushroom kingdom, and Mario and Luigi are up in their mushroom-shaped flat. They are completely mashed with their eyeballs are all puffed up, needless to say, they've been trying the latest "magic mushrooms", after smoking their "fire flower" (the flower that the gives you firepower) and sniffing bits of stardust (the star that makes you invincible for a few seconds), all the drugs were supplied by their regular dealer, Toad.  
  
Mario- Mama Mia, man. This is the shit. These mushrooms are fucking trippy, man. I feel like I'm 7 feet tall.  
  
Luigi- you should try this stardust shit. Jesus, it makes you feel invincible, for a short while at least.  
  
As they continue, All of a sudden, 2 cops dressed in mushroom hats break down their door, and are armed with pistols.  
  
Both cops- FREEZE MOTHERFUCKERS!!! This is a raid!  
  
Mario- MAMAMIA!!  
  
Cop1- your under arrest for use and possession of illegal super mushrooms.  
  
Luigi- Bullshit! There are mushrooms everywhere in this place!  
  
Cop2- tell it to the judge, sunshine. You're nicked!  
  
Back to the present day and Mario is looking more nervous than before  
  
Shigeru- your recent antics have discredited this company. Did you know how much cash we lost in our 23 legal battles?  
  
Mario- I'm sorry, boss. I'll make it up to you by remaking another super Mario game.  
  
Shigeru- shut up! You're extreme behaviour has become a liability to this company. We're supposed to be a family company, with all sorts of cute characters doing innocent stuff.  
  
Mario- gimme a break. You hired a tonguing lesbian icon and former porn star, Yoshi. Not to mention that womanizing gorilla, Donkey Kong, and on top of that, that Ganja smoking dragon thingy bob, Bowser.  
  
Shigeru- well you have a point, there.  
  
Mario- besides Cute is out, the public want an "in your face" rebel. Which explains why Sega and sonic has been whipping our asses on so many occasions.  
  
Shigeru- it's too late, Mario. I'm afraid I have to let you go.  
  
Mario- what do you mean, boss?  
  
Shigeru- in English, YOU'RE FIRED!!!  
  
Mario- NOOOOO!!!! (Just to rub it in, the "game over" theme from the Mario bros. Plays in the background)  
  
Mario goes to soon to be former office to clear his desk. As he leaves, the rest of Nintendo's employees join in to give him a "warm" send off song.  
  
Nintendo employees (including Donkey Kong, Koopas, Goombas, Fox McCloud, Link, etc.)- NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA AN, HEY HEY HEY, GOODBYE!! NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA AN, HEY HEY HEY, GOODBYE!!  
  
Mario- fuck you!! They can't fire me I'm an artist, and an Italian one at that!! This is a discrimination, it's because I'm an Italian (does the Italian chin stroking hand gesture, then grabs a koopa turtle and hurls it at the heckling employees) you want to gimme a fucking send off, then I'll give you all a leaving gift.  
  
In a fit of rage, Mario charges to the heckling crowd. He kicks a fair few asses but is eventually outnumbered, beaten up badly and thrown out of the building through a window, along with his stuff. Again, for a laugh his "game over theme" plays in the background.  
  
Mario- BASTARDS!! I'll show you all, I'll get my vengeance, as soon as I can find employment.  
  
What will Mario do next? will he ever work for another gaming company? Will Mario fan boys ever see their icon ever again? Tune in next time, where I'll reveal my theories on Sonic the hedgehog after I stop hallucinating from those "Magic mushrooms".  
  
Note- The weird drugs that Mario was taking were inspired by the items from the Super Mario bros games. The "Magic mushrooms" were inspired by the super mushrooms, which make you big, after smoking the "fire weed" is the flower that the gives you firepower, and the "Stardust" is the star that makes you invincible for a few seconds. It makes you think how "Family Friendly, Nintendo really are, doesn't it? 


	2. Chapter 2: Seeking employment elsewhere

Mario working for SNK chapter 2- seeking employment elsewhere  
  
The year is still 1993. After having gotten the sack from Nintendo for being "X-rated" and for his many embarrassing and scandals, (one of them involving him, Princess Peach in a fetish leather outfit, a Magic flute, and a sledgehammer suit, and some tomato ketchup), Mario decided if he's gonna last long, he's gotta find a job and fast. He's sitting on a park bench (the park from the 3rd stage of streets of rage 2), and is reading "The Newspaper for unemployed videogame characters looking for jobs" and is wondering what else he could do.  
  
Mario- this is an outrage. How's a family friendly Italian superstar like me supposed to find employment elsewhere? Let's see, here we go. "Wanted new character for new beat em up apply within" sound good to me.  
  
The next day, Mario goes to the place where he hopes to find employment. Unfortunately for him, the company is Midway, creator of the blood-soaked Mortal Kombat, and Mario is way out of their league. That doesn't stop our moustache-wearing hero from handing in his CV to MK creators, Ed Boon and John Tobias.  
  
Ed- hmm, let's see now. Star of Mario games, as well as other insanely cute titles, Hates turtle-shelled dinosaurs, loves climbing through pipes and spying on Princess Peach in the shower. Addicted to "magic mushrooms (tm)", grows "fire plants (tm)" in his back garden...  
  
Mario- so what do you think? Pretty impressive, huh?  
  
John- well...... No. where looking for an "hardcore in yer face, I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck" type of employee. With the exception of your "Magic mushroom scandal, your just well too moral for our likings.  
  
Mario- WHAT?? Hey, that's not my fault. Nintendo forced me to be all-cute and innocent, cause they threatened to expose my three-in-a-bed sex with Princess Zelda and Bowser's daughter.  
  
John- err, your sharing a little too much there, any way, I'm afraid I can't accept this CV. See ya.  
  
Mario- NOOO!!  
  
Back to the "streets of rage" park type bench, and Mario, after being refused other jobs decided to drink himself silly. And just when you thought that things couldn't get any worse for our Italian scallywag, trouble appears, in the shape of a handful of street thugs (the ones from Streets of rage). They approach Mario, with a sly grin on their faces. They're also carrying various streets of rage type weapons.  
  
Galsia- hey tubby. What ya got on ya?  
  
Mario- nothing. Now piss off.  
  
Donovan- Ooh be nice. Where's your giving spirit?  
  
Mario- I don't have one. Now leave me alone  
  
P. Signal- oh didn't your mama tell you that it's better to give than to receive.  
  
Mario- ooh go stick that lead pipe up your arse.  
  
Beano-okay then. If that's the way you want it. (pulls out one of his many knives) he's not laughing so let's put a smile on his face. HUHUHUHU HAHAHA  
  
They generic beat-em up gangsters proceed to beat the shit out of Mario. They jump on top of him and beat him a good few times. Big fat gang member Big Ben proceeds to squash our hero, but fortunately Mario, moves out of the way at the last moment and runs like hell for it, leaving behemoth Big Ben to end up crushing his fellow gangs members. The ones that weren't crushed chased after Mario. Fortunately for Mario, he was so depressed and so drunk before hand that he and accidentally ended up wearing a Tanooki suit, and quickly turns into a statue. The gang members due to the fact that most of them have a 3rd-grade education, are too stupid to notice him, and they don't realise that they've just walked past him a good few times. With the gangsters gone, Mario retreats back to his apartment.  
  
Mario- MAMAMIA! What's a Mario brother to do to get some work here. I haven't had work in over 3 days.  
  
And if you think that it can't get any worse, a letter was sent to his flat, and it reads:  
  
Dear Mario,  
  
Since you've failed to pay the rent for the last 4 months, I have decided to evict your lazy ass, unless you can find the rent money within the next few months, I'll give you till next week to get the fuck out of my apartment.  
  
Disrespectfully yours,  
  
J. Fun Gus  
  
Landlord  
  
J.F-G  
  
Mario, if he wasn't pissed off already is now shitting himself with frustration  
  
Mario- Oh fuck, I need the money, and fast, but what to do?  
  
So Mario goes refers back to the "The Newspaper for unemployed videogame characters looking for jobs (tm)". This time he finds something eye catching.  
  
Mario- Wait a minute. "New character work for up and coming game company, and to star in new sequel to up and coming game series. Experience not necessary, nor is being a former Capcom star, anyone is welcome. Shifts are cool, and pay is fucking great. APPLY NOW, you'll kick yourself in the head for missing out on an opportunity such as this." DAMN RIGHT I'LL APPLY!! Finally I'm employed, and I'll be paid fucking loads. Shigeru can take his game boy and shove it up his ass, along with my plunger. Okay, then the address 5th street and 2nd Ave. HERE WE GOOOO!!!!  
  
Excited and ready to work, Mario rushes to 5th St and 2nd Ave in the speed faster than Sonic on steroids after he drank a cup of Laxative Hot Coco. He soon discovers that the company he's applying to is called SNK; formerly famous for old NES RPG, Chrysalis, for Arcade classics like, Ikari Warriors, and Psycho Soldiers, and Now that famous for up and coming games like Fatal fury, Art of Fighting and Samurai Showdown. He arrives to the Receptionists office, but to his disappointment, he finds a fuck load of people queued up to the reception desk for an interview. In case anyone cares, the receptionists are Mature and Vice.  
  
Mario- Oh no you don't! This time, this job's mine. (pulls out a Koopa turtle, which bowls over the mile-long queue of people, then rushes to the reception). Hello, (looks at their name tags, and at the same staring intensely at their breasts) Mature isn't it? I'm here for the interview.  
  
Mature- (filing her nails whilst looking at the latest issue of SNK woman weekly, featuring Mai Shiranui's top beauty tips) well right this way then. Vice, send him up to the office.  
  
Vice- Okay then. Follow me, short moustache wearing Italian guy.  
  
Mario the follows Vice up the stairs to the Boss' main office. Since he hasn't had a fling since Princess Peach and Bowser' daughter, Mario can't help but stare blankly at Vice's comfortably round arse (but who could blame him, what a view from where he is) and since he's pretty short himself, he could even see under her skirt, and if anybody cares she ain't wearing anything underneath. Anyway, after minutes of walking up the stairs (there's a lift, but for some reason or another Vice is paid extra to walk up the stairs), the 2 finally make their way to the top floor (which is pretty set out to look like a Neo Geo Land/ Head office combo), where they walk past a room where SNK employee of the month and soon to be videogame legend Terry Bogard, and a few SNK stars hang out at break time. Terry is entertaining the employee with his humorous theory on videogame's popular platform character.  
  
Terry- Believe it or not, but this theory is true about Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog is Black.  
  
Ryo- yeah right, Terry, and I'm a clone of Ryu and Ken put together.  
  
Terry- I'll insult you on that later, Ryo, but anyway, it's true. Why, well because 1. He's a fast runner, 2. he can jump high, 3. he's a fast runner, especially when he wears those sneakers, that he steals from the TV boxes. 4. He's got a Funky hairdo, 5. He collects gold rings, and which self- respecting brother wouldn't collect gold rings? 6. He's got trendy ass sneakers, 7. His voice actor for the Sonic cartoon series was Black, and 8. He's constantly being harassed by a fat, bald, psychotic white guy. This a much better theory than when I did that little joke about Pepe Le Pew being arrested for smoking skunk.  
  
The rest of the SNK crew laugh at Terry' intake on Sonic the Hedgehog. Even Mario and Vice couldn't help but Laugh at the thought of Sonic actually being a black guy.  
  
Mario-So that explains everything. The funky hairdo, the sneakers, hell l even saw him and Tails once drive by in a Low rider once and Playing "Slam" By Onyx. And they were even wearing do-rags, and FUBU jeans.  
  
Vice- wow, that actually happened? I heard that he once did a rap using his "Carnival night zone theme", and he once battle rapped against Knuckles Well anyway, here's the office. Good luck  
  
Mario steps into the office looking even more nervous than Oliver twist before asking for a second helping for gruel. The interviewer is none other than SNK big boss, E. Kawasaki. Kawasaki sits at his desk, in his chair (which is shaped like one of those you'll sit on whilst playing Daytona in an Arcade) surrounded, with a Neo Geo style Laptop, and various SNK Merchandise (do I detect a recurring theme here?). he sits, with a "welcomes you with open arms" expression. Mario sits on the other side of the desk.  
  
Kawasaki- hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of SNK. My name's Mr. Kawasaki, the man in charge of all this that goes on in SNK. So what's your name? Mario isn't it? Yes the fallen star of Nintendo. Well, how are you doing?  
  
Mario- fine, sir. How's it for you?  
  
Kawasaki- oh, so-so. I've just been on tour in the USA advertising the new NEOGEO (tm) console. Have you seen it? If you have, then you'll know it's the shit. I'm hoping that this'll be rolling in the Yen for years to come.  
  
Mario- Oh, the NEOGEO (™). I remember something like that being advertised in "Console monthly ™" for one odd reason, you used a hotdog commercial in the advert. Anyway, I heard that SNK was all the rage in Japan, I've seen many people wearing "Terry Bogard" baseball caps, and I've even slept, uh spoke with some Mai Shiranui groupies. I'd love to be on the rising bandwagon that's SNK.  
  
Kawasaki- sounds enthusiastic, welcome aboard.  
  
Mario (confused)- what? Just like that? Aren't you gonna ask why I want this?  
  
Kawasaki- do you want the fucking job or what?  
  
Mario- yes, sir.  
  
Kawasaki- good! When can you start?  
  
Mario- well I can't start work for the next few weeks due to a little headache and migraine that started from when I was hitting those "?" block in the old NES days and...  
  
Kawasaki- I repeat when can you start (slips a fistful of money in Mario's pocket.)  
  
Mario (dollar signs start to appear in his eyes)- right away. I can tell I'm gonna love working here. Viva la SNK!  
  
Kawasaki- That's the spirit. Welcome to the team (they shake hands).  
  
And so Mario finally finds employment in a company called SNK. And is ready to work, after being "given" that fistful of cash as motivation. But what role will he play, and what games will he appear in? Find out next time, as soon as I figure out the whole theory on Sonic the Hedgehog. Phew, it ended up longer than I expected it. I hope you liked it?  
  
Note 1- For those who don't know Streets of Rage, it was another early 90s beat-em up from Sega, and probably one of the best of all time, and one of the few that doesn't use the "rescue the hero's girlfriend, who's been kidnapped for no particular reason" plot (Although one of the Streets of Rage stars was kidnapped in the second Streets of rage). The following thugs featured from Streets of Rage were:  
  
Galsia- the "Generic one" with ginger hair and wears a blue Jacket/jeans combo. The first enemy, and sometimes known to carry knives around with him.  
  
Big Ben- Fat guy wearing a cap, and braces. He's known to spit fire, and falls on top of you if you try to throw him.  
  
Donavan- Bald Black guy in dark sunglasses, common enemy, usually carries a lead pipe with him. Sometimes catches you out with those cheap uppercuts.  
  
P. Signal- Blue Mohawked punk in a yellow trenchcoat. Known for his sliding kicks. And for throwing you from behind.  
  
Beano (AKA Jack or Soya)- Knife-wielding punk guy stereotype with black spiked jacket and a white Mohawk. Known for his stereotypical "Evil laughter"  
  
Note 2- the theory of Sonic the hedgehog being black was just a thought that I had in my head for a few months now, I mean think about it, how many brothers do you know who don't wear gold rings, wear trendy sneakers, and have jazzy hairdos? The voice of Sonic from the "Sonic the Hedgehog" cartoon series, which were around during the early 90s was done by Jaleel White, who's also incredibly famous for playing Steve Urkel from Family Matters. And for all who've seen Steve Urkel, you'll pretty much know that he's black. The "Being chased by the bald, psychotic, white guy" theory (the white guy being Dr Robotnik/ Dr. Eggman) were references to the skinheads and the National front, who were a group of racists hell bent on causing misery to other ethnic minorities, mainly blacks. My dad always told me about the days of when he fought the national front, and won back in the 70s. And forgive me for the PEPE Le Pew joke.  
  
Note 3- For the NEO GEO fans who remember, the "Hotdog" advert was taken from one of SNK's most memorable adverts for the NEO GEO in the early 90s. It went along the lines of "if you're still playing on a SNES, or the Genesis, then you're nothing but a wiener, but if you're playing on a NEO GEO, then you're a REAL HOTDOG!!" It was basically done to send a message to show customers how technologically superior to the other consoles like the SNES and the Genesis.  
  
Note 4- for those who care, in Super Mario Bros. 3, the Tanooki suit (which had the same features as the racoon leaf) had the ability to turn into a statue for a short while, in which in the mean you were invulnerable for a short while. Bowser's Daughter was one of Bowser's 7 kids who served the "end of level boss" role. She basically looks like a turtle with fangs, fingernails, lipstick and a Giant hair bowtie, which questions Mario's tastes and sexual preferences in women, and why Bowser hates Mario so much. 


	3. Chapter 3: The first project

Mario working for SNK chapter 3- the first project  
  
The year is 1994, and Mario has been fairly happy with his new job in SNK. He's basically being doing a bit of back stage work, and a lot of paperwork and hasn't done any game appearances so far except for a small appearance in "Blues Journey" in a stupid lizard costume, and in "Burning Fight" as one of the irrelevant bad guys, but Mario doesn't give a shit, as he's getting paid for actually attending SNK. After years of loyal service, accepting bribes to go to work and consecutive arse kissing, Mario finally gets his big break debut today. Oh, and he's also appointed himself as SNK's own FBI (female body inspector). We now go into Mario's apartment, and our Italian stud has just woken up from a drug-fuelled sex romp with Streets of Rage's Blaze Fielding. The stud plumber is too mashed to remember anything since yesterday.  
  
Mario- oh, shit. What a headache! I must've been on that Magic Mushroom shit (turns to his head to see Blaze Fielding in his bedroom, completely nude) oh baby have I reeled in a beauty or what? OH Yeah. Now I can brag to my friends that I've fucked the girl from Streets of Rage.  
  
Blaze wakes up, and is horrified to see where she's ended up. She is slowly recovering from the effects of last night, albeit with some truly fucked up memories, a strong one including her being caressed by Mario with a magic flute. Enraged at the moustache-wearing, dungarees wearing, sex crazed Italian lunatic, Blaze jumps him and beats him senseless, German suplexing him through a table before throwing a mini-fireball at him and quickly getting dressed and quickly leaving the room.  
  
Blaze- bastard! Don't come near me again. I gotta get home, what'll I say to Axel, I can't say that I spent the night being fucked by a plumber.  
  
Being dazed for about 5 minutes, Mario soon recovers from his recent beating. Not soon after does the postman arrive. The postman is that famous kid called paperboy, who is famous for being a paperboy. He's for some reason or another now changed his name to Postboy  
  
Postboy- A Letter for a Mr. Mario Mario.  
  
Mario- Paperboy? What are hell you doing as a postman?  
  
Postboy- oh this? This is just for some extra cash. Despite dodging speedy cars, being chased rabid dogs in front gardens, and hitting targets with newspapers, the paperboy job just wasn't challenging enough. I needed something to give me a little boost of adrenaline.  
  
Mario- and you chose to be a postman?  
  
Postboy- hey! Don't knock the duties of the postmen. Do you know the dangers of going into the front garden of a house and delivering the mail, how fucking vicious those dogs are? And on top of that, we aren't even covered with health insurance or rabies shots. Besides I wanted to make enough cash to take papergirl out to one of those poncey ass restaurants, to increased my chances to post my mail through her letterbox, if you know what I mean.  
  
Mario- yeah, yeah. Now please hand me my mail.  
  
Postboy- sorry about that. Here you go, Mario. See ya.  
  
Mario- let's see... bills, bills, bills, a letter from Luigi¸ a death threat from Bowser, hey what's this?  
  
It's a letter from Mr. Kawasaki, asking him to come to work early, of course Mario is pissed off that he has to work over the weekend, but is influenced by the big wad of cash that the SNK boss put in the letter to persuade him to come. Mario heads off to hi place of work for another day of paperwork in the office. On his way, he sees Sonic and Tails driving in their low rider (with the same design pattern as Tails' plane in Sonic 2) smashing neighbours' letterboxes with baseball bats, and sees a magical brawl between Magic boy and that guy from Magical drop. We now arrive to the building, where Mario is talking to the SNK chairman. The chairman is looking pretty happy to see Mario (unlike Shigeru, who usually turns his head in disgust) The room is the same except there's a picture of Ryu, Akuma and Ken placed on a dartboard, along with various sharp objects sticking out of the photo, with the words "Die, Capcom, Die!!" and "DOWN WITH REHASHES".  
  
Kawasaki- Mario, you've been here for almost a year, and you've been pretty loyal and hardworking, It's time to give you an opportunity.  
  
Mario- you mean I get to become SNK's new mascot?  
  
Kawasaki- hell no, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna put you on the shelf, unlike Capcom who usually only use Ryu, Ken and Akuma. And yet they still manage to become so popular. Damn those bastards. (Clenches his fists in anger, and cursing the name of Capcom) anyway I'm gonna give you an opportunity by letting you star in your own game. It's no KOF or Fatal Fury, but it'll be a good start for you.  
  
Mario- Alright!! (Does the little win pose he does when he collects a sunshine in Mario sunshine)  
  
The following night, and Mario is in the La illusions bar, with his newfound colleagues, Mai Shiranui, Ralf Jones, and Terry Bogard, all celebrating the fact that Mario has finally been given his big break.  
  
Terry- 3 cheers for Mario.  
  
ALL- HIP, HIP HOORAY  
  
Mai- congrats, Mario (kisses him, much to Mario's pleasure)  
  
Mario- HAHA. Hooray for me. Hooray for. Hold on what's happening there?  
  
On the other side of the pub, we see the Teenage mutant ninja turtles and the Battle toads in a seriously heated argument. They are pissed, and look very, very aggressive.  
  
Leonardo- you fly swatting assholes ain't shit compared to us. We're the original green Mother fuckers. You just stole our image. Only when shell freezes over, will you be able to kick our asses.  
  
Rash- whatever dude. You're only tough cause you got weapons and coloured bandanas. Like a fucking bunch of gangsta turtles  
  
Michelangelo- dude, you are like totally out of our league. You can't even do half the stuff we do in our games. Even the Bronx learnt to fear us.  
  
Zitz- at least we don't have a flea bitten shit stained rat as our master. We have a fucking birdman with an I.Q. of 5566 in our corner as well as the Double Dragon bros watching our backs. What do you have, a fucking no-hope pussy thug with sports clubs and a gay hockey mask?  
  
Donatello- Don't fucking Dis Master Splinter or Casey Jones. If you wanna fight, then bring it on, mother fuckers.  
  
Pimple- okay then, let's go.  
  
Raphael- yeah! Watch me stick my Sais up your asses!  
  
Turtles- TURTLE POWER!!  
  
Battle toads- uh, TOAD POWER?? Sorry, but we haven't got any catchy one- liners.  
  
So the argument ends, as both the Battle toads and the Turtles begin to fight. As they slug it out the way only amphibians and reptiles can. Neither teams are spared from being slammed about, punched, kicked, thrown, hit by weapons, or attacked by various special moves. 5 minutes into fight, and Casey Jones, Jimmy and Billy Lee, Master Splinter, that Bird guy, Big Blag, the Shredder, and the Dark Queen join in the fight throwing chairs, bottles, various furniture, and customers and staff stupid enough to get in the way. After the fight ends, leaving members either sent to hospital or sent to the Southtown police station, Mario and the SNK crew got fed up and fucked off back to their homes.  
  
The next day, and Mario and the SNK crew are in the SNK studio. SNK director, S. Itoh talks to Mario about the game project and to go over the idea if need to.  
  
S. Itoh- so are you clear on everything?  
  
Mario- yes, but why am I wearing a yellow armoured suit and a pilot's helmet?  
  
S. Itoh- (sigh) Listen up carefully. The game is called "Top Hunter" a platform game that involves guns, robots and you are now playing a rogue bounty hunter known for kicking asses for profit and fun. Your character name is Roddy, and your sidekick and "little bit on the side" is Cathy.  
  
Mario- cool. Hopefully I'll able to use some badass one-liners.  
  
Cathy- hi. I'll be your new partner.  
  
Mario looks at Cathy, in amazement and lust.  
  
Mario- MAMAMIA!! You can pull me in anytime.  
  
S. Itoh- OKAY! AND ACTION!  
  
So Mario starts to play his role as Roddy in "Top Hunter". I'm not gonna bore you with any more details other than it's similar to a cheesy action film, but after they released the "watered down" version for US and European sales, they went on to redo a "Japanese version" containing more violence, gore, hentai-style sex and a lot of swearing to go with it.  
  
After the project was finished, while many arcade players overseas (mainly young kids and a few nerdy game junkies, as well as a few chibi fan boys), Mario and Cathy left for a back alley to "get to know each other better". On that same street, there was a drive-by shootout involving Samus Aran, Fox McCloud and the 2 boys from Gunstar Heroes, and a hardcore wrestling match between Buzz from Pit Fighter and Muscle Power.  
  
And so ends another weird chapter of Mario's adventures with the SNK roster. Don't go away, kids, cause they'll be more next time as soon as someone gives me some ideas on what it'll be, and when it'll be.  
  
Note- Battle Toads are a group of ass kicking amphibians, recruited by a bird-like professor (can't remember his name) who starred in their own games on the SNES and Genesis consoles. I don't know about you lot, but I feel that they were heavily based on the Teenage Mutant Turtles. Later on Billy and Jimmy Lee teamed up with the Toads in a pretty good crossover game called "Battle Toads Vs. Double Dragon. For those who haven't seen the Turtles, Master Splinter was the Sensei of the turtles, and Casey Jones was a badass vigilante who wore a hockey mask and was armed with various sports clubs, Think of him as the Bronx's version of Vega (though Casey came first), and the Shredder was the main villain, looking more like a spiky samurai. For those who don't know about the battle toads, Big Blag was a giant Rat that usually eats you and spits you out, and the Dark Queen was the Main Villain, looking more like WWF's Chyna in a Dominatrix outfit.  
  
Note2- Top Hunter was an old platform game from SNK on the NEO GEO, it was kinda like an earlier, more toned down version of Metal Slug. It was okay for what it was, but the graphics and game play just looked too "Mario /Nintendo-ishly cute" for an SNK game. S. Itoh was an SNK producer for Real Bout Fatal Fury Special, and burning fight was basically a Final Fight ripoff, with much better graphics and sound.  
  
Note3- does anybody ever played Paperboy? If not then you've missed out on a bit. Paperboy was a game where you play as a kid delivering the newspapers on different streets whilst trying to avoid various obstacles. Simple, but fucking addictive.  
  
Note4- Gunstar heroes was another early 90s shoot em up for the Mega drive, and was easily one of the best. You could jump, kick, throw, slide, and dive. That game made a lot of SNES gamers jealous (and believe me, that didn't happen often). 


	4. Mario and Leotards make a bad combinatio...

Mario working for SNK chapter 4- Mario and Leotards are a weird combination!  
  
The year is still 1994, and after the decent success of Top Hunter, Kawasaki decided that he'd let Mario get involved in another SNK project. Mario enters the office, where the Big boss us in the middle of doing one of his favourite hobbies, shotoclone-torturing. He has the overrated pretender to the fighting game throne, Ryu gagged and tied to the chair, and is poking him with a sharp electrified, poisonous stick. Ryu is in real pain, and would be screaming his fucking head off if he actually had the ability to express himself.  
  
Kawasaki- DIE, DIE, DIE, YOU EMOTIONLESS BASTARD!!! It's people like you, Ken and that fossilised bastard Akuma that give main characters like Terry and Karate characters like Ryo a bad name. SCREAM!!! (Sees Mario walking into the office) Oh, Hi Mario, just the guy I wanted to see.  
  
Mario- uh oh have I come at a bad time?  
  
Oh no, you've just caught me in the middle of one of my hobbies, Ryu torturing.  
  
Mario- COOL! Do you mind if I have a go on what you're doing  
  
Kawasaki- oh by all means, go ahead.  
  
Mario has a go of "Torturing Ryu", and he shoves the stick so far up his arse, that he starts to vomit out his own excretions, and his reproductive organs (not that he had any need for them, and if he'll ever use them). Unnoticed to them, the rest of the SNK employees give him a standing ovation for killing beat 'em up's unworthy icon/hero and weakest link. Kawasaki then talks to Mario about the last couple of weeks since Top Hunter.  
  
Kawasaki- Mario, I'm here to talk about the last month since Top Hunter.  
  
Mario (looking nervous)- hey, I'm telling you, Lara came onto me first, not the other way round.  
  
Flashback to 2 weeknights ago, and Mario is has just woken up from another magic mushroom fuelled sex romp, this time he finds himself next to Videogame sex icon, Lara Croft. Needless to say, Mario is quite chuffed with his "accomplishment".  
  
Mario- OH yeah who's the man. I scored with Lara Croft, which makes me the original tomb Raider, or is it womb raider?  
  
Lara (waking up)- oh, fuck, where am I? (sees Mario next to her) oh shit, what have I gotten myself into now?  
  
Mario- hey you're awake now. Do you wanna play a tune on my magic flute, if you know what I mean?  
  
Lara croft isn't impressed with the Italian fuckwit. And proceeds to kick 7 shit of shit out of him, and shoved a harpoon gun up his arse.  
  
Back to the present day and Kawasaki surprisingly is uninterested in Mario's scandals.  
  
Kawasaki- anyway, about "Top Hunter" now, the wasn't perfection, but at least it made a good amount of profit, which is good for your first ever non-Nintendo project, so good in fact that we decided to take you on again.  
  
Mario- cool, what am I doing this time, kart racing, Tetris-style rip off games, quirky Japanese puzzles?  
  
Kawasaki- no, this time we're doing something completely different. This time we're doing something a little more "Extreme".  
  
Mario- what are you talking about?  
  
Kawasaki- this is what I'm talking about. (throws a Luchadore mask to Mario), I hope you like wrestling, cause it's time to get READY TO RRRRUUUMMMBLE!!! (gets overexcited and does the Stone Cold Steve Austin Beer swilling realises that his employees are looking at him, embarrassed) ahem, anyway you'll be one of the main wrestlers in our new project, called "3 count bout". It should be a fucking slobber knocker for the fans, and you'll also be working with Terry Bogard, Kim Kaphwan and a few volunteers.  
  
After a week of rehearsing, we now go into the Employee locker room, where after a 5-minute look through the keyhole of the female changing rooms, Mario talks to Terry, and Kim about their upcoming project  
  
Terry- as fucking cool as our boss is, he sure as hell can come up with some really crazy crap. I mean look at me, I look like Hulk Hogan in this thing. And boss decided to call me Terry Rogers, really fucked up. I think the whole wrestling idea has gone to his head.  
  
Mario- tell me about it, he bloody made eat lard for the past week, and I would be lying if I said it only went straight to my thighs. Even gave me a really ridiculous name, I mean what the hell is Blues Hablam supposed to mean, anyway?  
  
Kim- if you think you look foolish, look at me, they made me put on face paint, make me spit out green mist and call myself the red dragon, which really is out of character for me. I mean I'm Korean for fuck's sake. And making me Japanese is not funny.  
  
Mario- hey, check out the volunteers. Hey what's your name? (talks to a white guy with chains, white hair and a denim attire)  
  
Leo- Well, my stage name's Leo Bradley, but my real name's Birdie.  
  
Mario- I remember you. You we're Street fighter 1 cannon fodder.  
  
Leo- True, but since Capcom were too busy promoting losers like Ryu, Ken and Gouki, they didn't have much use for cannon fodder characters like us, so I became unemployed for 7 years, and my tuberculosis was growing worse, so I ended up here, cause at least they could give me a bit of cash.  
  
Terry- Hwa Jai? They're finally giving you a part in another SNK game. I thought you got banned from Fatal Fury games after you got so drunk from your potion that you made love to one of the dragon statues to in the Pao Pao café.  
  
Hwa Jai- well, after being the boss' limo driver since my embarrassing incident, the boss decided that he'd give me another chance. But I still question his choices. I mean I'm Thai, so why is he making me dress like an Indian, and why did he have to name me the Gandhara?  
  
Nameless Stage manager- you're on in 5 minutes. So get your asses ready.  
  
Terry- okay everything's set, are you all ready?  
  
The rest- OH FUCK YEAH!!!  
  
So the wrestlers get ready for a slamfest that is 3 Count Bout, but how well will this project go? Will it make a good profit for SNK, and will Mario's performances help the game? Find out next time, after I apologise to the readers for being to short.  
  
Note- sorry for the short chapter, but due to lack of inspiration, I couldn't push this chapter any further, but don't worry, as this'll be a 2 part chapter, so don't despair. some of the volunteers for 3-count bout were basically my idea, although a few were inspired by wrestlers. Terry Rogers, as far as I'm concerned, is a Hybrid of Hulk Hogan and Terry Bogard. That's all I know so far, I'll probably fill you in on a little more next time.  
  
Note 2- birdie before street fighter Alpha, was a cannon fodder character for Street Fighter 1. He dressed like a punk in denim attire, and Mohawk (though I'm unsure whether he wielded chains or not) and he was a white man. Leo Bradley was a wrestler from 3-count bout, who also wore Denim attire and he wielded chains, but wore a white mullet.  
  
Note 3- keeping with the Cannon fodder theme, Hwa Jai was also cannon fodder character, but for Fatal Fury 1. He was basically a bald Joe Higashi with a headband, who drunk a drug like potion, and turned into a huge fireball. You can see why he never came back to Fatal Fury, but he can be seen in cameos in many Fatal Fury games with Joe Higashi. The Gandhara dressed similar, but he had a more Indian attire and spat fire from his mouth. 


	5. Chapter 4b: AND IN THIS CORNER

Mario working for SNK chapter 4.2 - AND IN THIS CORNER.....  
  
The year is 1994 and the gang are outside the newly opened Southtown Sports Arena, for the biggest wrestling event of the year, and for the birth of the SWF (Southtown Wrestling federation). Terry, Mario and Kim sit near the side of the entrance in their wrestling costumes and T-shirts, signing autographs for fans. Mario's wearing a "Sing the Blues for me- Blues Hablam" T-shirt, Kim's wearing a "Red Dragon? Well it ain't the mother fucking Yakuza" T-shirt and Terry's wearing a "Freedom of Choice: TAP OUT OR KNOCK OUT!!- Terry Rogers" T-shirt. Mario himself has signed a few autographs for the ladies, and he isn't just signing paper if you know what I mean.  
  
Mario- it seems like the wrestling project's got everybody hyped up today. The boss seems to have it all under control despite the ridiculous concepts.  
  
Terry- well this is his style, unorthodox, but successful, hence SNK being his brainchild.  
  
Mario- I only with that he'd calm down a little with the silly gimmicks. I look like a big fucking bottle of Mexican salsa in this getup.  
  
Away from them, we see Mr. Kawasaki opening standing in front of the entrance in front of overly eager wrestling nuts (and a few head bangers among them). He stands making a speech with a big fucking pair of scissors.  
  
Kawasaki- ladies and gentleman, I am honoured to be amongst all of you today, at the unveiling of SNK's newest invention, the SWF. A wrestling brand that will guarantee hard hitting action, high-flying phenomena, and athletic prowess. Now without any further or do, let's start off our event with a bang (cuts the ribbon with the ridiculously large scissors) now then, ARE WE READY!!!  
  
Crowd- YEAHH!!  
  
Kawasaki- I can't hear you, ARE YOU READDYYYYY!!!  
  
Crowd- FUCK YEAH!!!  
  
Kawasaki- now LETS GET READY TO RRUUMMBBLLEE!!  
  
We now go inside the arena, and the show starts off with the usual fireworks and intro music, just like in a WWE show. Satoshi Hashimoto and Harumi Ikoma join us for commentary.  
  
Satoshi- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE SWF'S FIRT EVER SHOW, 3 COUNT BOUT!! I'm Satoshi Hashimoto, alongside me is the sexy voice of Harumi Ikoma, and boy do we have a great show to kick of this company.  
  
Harumi- that's right, Satoshi. We have a tournament to decide who's gonna be our SWF champion, and a high flying one on one encounter, but first let's kick things off with a 6-man tag match... Huh? What's going on now?  
  
Satoshi- oh no not them.  
  
The fire-displays stops and the light dims down, and a crappy repetitive dance music plays in the background. And out come 4 crazy ravers, Kyocaine (Kyo in a coloured military uniform), Iori excel (Iori with a fisherman's hat), Ash dust (Ash crimson in a Jeff Hardy costume), and Slim K' (K' in his 2003 sunglasses and a sleeveless Bubble Jacket) they are the group of Special K', a group of drug-and drink crazed ravers that live off of their parents money and go to raves, and drink and drug themselves silly. K' is carrying a cereal box of Special K' with his picture on the front of it (which he hides drugs inside). A mixture of boos and laughter is the fans response.  
  
Slim K' (stoned)- Dude, are you ready to get high tonight? (K' is booed and laugh at simultaneously) I said do ya wanna get high (lights a joints)  
  
Iori Excel- Yeah! One dose of our special K' and you too will hear the sounds of Toejam and Earl and Deejay, see the crazy colours of the VR games and see multiple Purple Penguins do the Hare Krishna dance around James Pond!  
  
Kyocaine- yeah, have a dose of our Special K', it contains the similar goodness, Smack, Crack and Pot, as well and a small dose of ruffies  
  
Ash- yeah. Check out all the wonderful things life has to offer, Unicorns riding Caddillacs, Turtles with cornrows, and break dancing Chihuahuas.  
  
Satoshi- what the fuck are they on?  
  
Harumi- or more importantly, what are they not on nowadays.  
  
After a minute of senseless waffling from the drug filled posse, a man with dreadlocks a beard, furry boots and hairy chest rushes to the ring, this is the German wrestler Roy Wilson, a distant relative to the Capoeira fighter Bob Wilson, and he's pissed off with the antics of Special K'.  
  
Harumi- uh, oh. They're gonna get it now.  
  
Satoshi- come on, Roy. Teach these spoiled brats some respect.  
  
Special K' all shit a brick and try to reason with the German giant. They even give him the box of Special K'™ as a peace offering. Roy simply throws it away. Unnoticed to him, Ash dust is standing behind him with a bottle of Vodka, and smashes it over his head, busting him open. The rest of the members proceed to pummel him, and for the first few minutes, they're very successful. However, being the big strong SOB he is, he powers out of the assault and start to clean house, knocking down one after the other. He grabs Ash dust and picks him up for his "Jumping Powerbomb" finisher, and slams him on the mat hard. He does the same to Slim K' and throws the rest out of the ring. The group try to retreat, but are met with a diving somersault plancha from the ring to the outside by Roy. Roy continues to chase the loony ravers out of the arena.  
  
Harumi- that'll teach the bastards. Anyway where were we  
  
Satoshi- oh yeah, before we were "rudely interrupted" we have a 6-man tag match. So lets get things started.  
  
The lights dim and the "Esaka '94" theme tune plays in the background, the ring announcer is Duck King in an "uncle Sam" getup.  
  
Duck- (sighs and mumbles to himself) sometimes I wonder about the boss's whacked-out ideas. (speaks into the microphone)Ladies and gentlemen, the following 6-man tag match is scheduled for 1-fall. Approaching the ring, at a combined weight of 876lbs, this is the team of Goro Daimon, Gordon and Eagle. (crowds Boos)  
  
The 3 mismatched team make their way down the ramp and are booed loudly.  
  
Satoshi- as you see approaching the ring, these 3 are making their debut in the SNK business. Goro Daimon, a former Judo Champion, and is a very physical wrestler, despite his obvious lack of personality. Gordon is a former Police officer, and was one of the best in his time, he now comes here to dish out his own brand of Justice. Eagle, we have no idea who or what he is but one thing he is not is a slouch, as we don't hire pussies in the SWF.  
  
Harumi- well he has to be in order to take on their opponents who'll come down the ramp soon.  
  
As the 3 enter the ring, the stage lights darken and a sinister clown-like laugh echoes the arena, afterwards the spotlights flash around the place in various colours, circus style, at the same time a rather fittingly theme tunes plays in the background. Remembers Kurrgan's "Get down with the clowns/Oddity Freak show's in town" WWF theme tune rap, well that plays in the background. And a miniature car heads towards the ring and out come 3 relevant wrestlers heading towards the ring.  
  
Duck- and their opponents, from the Dream Amusement park House of Fun, at a combined weight of 434lbs, there are the team of Silent White (White in baggy denim pants and denim jacket), K-2dope (Kyoshiro in a Jody Fleisch- type costume and a fisherman's hat), and Da Joker (Joker in his normal outfit and a Do-rag), they are the SCP, the SOUTHTOWN CLOWN POSSE!!! (crowd cheers like mad)  
  
The trio of clown-themed wrestlers head towards the ring, shaking the hands of the crowd along the way, they make their way to the ring, and Joker is holding a microphone.  
  
Joker- WELL, WELL, WELL! Looks like we have our selves a good only fashion beat down. (to the fans) ARE YOU READY TO GET DOWN WITH THE CLOWNS?? (crowd cheers) WELL LET'S GET IT ON, CAUSE IT'S SHOWTIME!!  
  
Satoshi- looks like the SCP are getting this crowd excited.  
  
Harumi- looks like the match is on its way.  
  
The bell rings and Silent White and Eagle start off the match for each team.  
  
Satoshi- okay then they tie up, (Eagle uses a headlock) and Eagle cinches in a headlock, and White is in real pain, (white elbows Eagle, whips him off the ropes but gets knocked down by a shoulder block). Look at the power of Eagle.  
  
Harumi- Eagle runs off the ropes, White goes underneath, a leap frog attempt, (White hip-tosses Eagle) what a textbook hip toss. (White dropkicks Eagle) beautiful dropkick! (grabs Eagle, and makes a tag to K- 2Dope) makes the tag to K-2, who uses the forearm shots, Snapmare takedown, (K2 does a stiff kick to the spine) OWW that gotta hurt.  
  
Satoshi- K2 with an Irish whip, but Eagle reverses, K2 ducks the clothesline, (as k2 whips into the ropes, Goro knees him in the back, which gets his a punch in the face response) HEY that's outside interference, K- 2...OWW what a slam (taking advantage of the monetary distraction, Eagle Tilt- a-whirl back breakers K2, and tags in Gordon) Gordon's been tagged in, and he Whips K2 into the corner and connects with a corner clothesline.  
  
Harumi-He still has him in that corner, he pulls the shirt over his head this doesn't look good.  
  
Gordon chops the hell out of K2 dope  
  
Crowd- WOOO!! (Gordon chops again) WOOO!! (and again) WOOO!!  
  
After beating the crap out of K2 for a good few minutes, Gordon sends him on the top rope for a Super backdrop, but K2 out of desperation fights back and knocks him down, Gordon is set up in position for the "Kabuki press" (a hopping moonsault knee drop). But is too beat up to make a cover, and tries to tag in his team-mates. He does, and tags in Da Joker, whilst Gordon tags in Daimon.  
  
Satoshi- and in come Joker, who's like a house of fire. He's cleaning house. A clothesline to Daimon, and one to Gordon, dropkick to Eagle, spinning heel kick to Gordon.  
  
Harumi- this guy's on fire.  
  
Satoshi- he throws Eagle out of the ring. And what's this? (all 3members of the SCP run off the ropes, and all 3 perform 3 simultaneous somersault planchas, landing on their opponents, before sending them back in) STEREO DIVE, STEREO DIVE. (Joker sets Daimon up for his finisher) looks like Joker's setting him up for his patented finisher.  
  
Joker grabs the neck of Daimon, and lifts him up, but Silent White stops him asking him if he could do his finisher first. He lets him, and Silent White goes up top, and perform his "Whitewash" finisher (a shooting star press into a Swan-dive head butt) on Daimon, then Joker gets him up for his finisher, he gets him up for what looks to be a chokeslam, but quickly switches it into a sit-out Michinoku driver, spiking him right on his head. The move is called "the Joker Choker™". Here comes the pin.  
  
Harumi- the "JOKER CHOKER ™", THE "JOKER CHOKER™!!! IT'S OVER!!  
  
Referee- 1....2.....3 (bell rings, and the SCP Music plays)  
  
Duck- the winners of this bout, the SCP!! (crowd cheers)  
  
Satoshi- the Joker Choker from Joker secures the wins for the SCP, and (sees 2 evil Karate characters coming out from the crowd and into the ring) wait a minute... that's Evil Ryu, and Shin Akuma, and isn't that Violent Ken? What the hell are they doing here? they're not even on our roster.  
  
The overrated sprite clone makes their way to the ring, and from behind they attack the SCP. They aren't spared from punches kicks chair shots and crappy fireballs.  
  
Harumi- this is bad. Capcom characters have no place being her, let alone these 2 ,boring clones and...HO NO! (Evil Ryu Shin Shoryuken's K2 through a table) YOU SON OF A BITCH! (crowd boos them like hell).  
  
They kick the crap out of the rest of the SCP members, fortunately, Terry Kim and Mario make it to the ring for the save.  
  
Satoshi- YES! Here comes the cavalry! In the form of Red Dragon, Blues Hablam and Terry Rogers.  
  
The 3 enter the rings and clean house, much to the crowd's delight. Terry deals with Evil Ryu, as he uses his "American Revolution" (a rising Tackle version of a Tombstone pile driver) finisher on him. Kim spits green mist in the eyes of Shin Akuma before connecting with a vicious kick to his temple and Mario lays some wicked Steve Austin style Mud hole stomps on Violent Ken before finishing him off with a Super kick. The three dull overrated shotoclones makes a run for it, as they're too chicken to stay and fight a fair fight.  
  
Harumi- alright!! Those cowards are running away like sprite swapping scolded dogs.  
  
Satoshi-looks like Terry's got something to say.  
  
Terry picks up the microphone, and needless to say that he's pissed off with the interference of the evil shin clones.  
  
Terry (microphone)- for years, and years, we've watched assholes like you waltz around like you're the shit, and for years we've been forced to take a back seat to guys like you just because some Capcom fanboy says that we look similar to you, when in reality, we've develop and surpassed you. Well I say that you're all FULL OF SHIT (crowd cheers)!! No longer will SNK be push back by Capcom's ignorance. You guys are the biggest sack of shit since Ryu himself (crowds cheers even louder).  
  
Harumi- he's no wrong there, what a disgrace Ryu was.  
  
Kim (microphone)- that's right! You think you can jump our fellow wrestlers from behind and get away with it? You think that you can tarnish the rep of SNK? OH HELL NO!!  
  
Mario (microphone)- So, if you have the audacity to invade our turf, then let's see GONADS to challenge us man to man, I'm proposing a 10 man tag team elimination match. (crowd cheers) the best of SNK versus the best that Capcom has to offer, that is if you have the GUTS!!  
  
Satoshi- OH YEAH! Now we're talking!!  
  
Terry- so there's 2 things you can do about it, nothing or LIKE IT!!  
  
Harumi- Alright, we got ourselves a new main event. Stay tuned folks, after we take a commercial break.  
  
We now go for a commercial break. After the break we'll be seeing a shit load of carnage in the SWF. For all you anti-shotoclone fans out there will be in for a special treat, tune in next time to find out what it is, same SNK time, same SNK channel. Don't touch that remote, or I'll be forced to send tiny replicas of Rasputin from World Heroes.  
  
Commercial(TV)-are you a diehard SNK fan? Want more SNK stuff that you can sink your teeth into? Well wait no further than your local McSNK's. at McSNK's we have a selection of mouth –watering meals. Such as the Rising Tacos (Low calorie Tacos shaped liked KFC Zinger twister), The Mr. Big Mac (a Big Mac Shaped as Mr. Big) Mai scream with cherries (an ice cream shaped as Mai with cherries on top of her curves) the Jack Burger (a burger dressed as Jack Turner) the Joe Special (HFC: Higashi fried gator) and the Yamazaki (a happy meal with burgers with sliced meat, knife shaped fries, servings of cherry cola and a dangerous toy, 8 to collect). So come on down to McSNKs, where the future of fast food is now. This advertisement was paid for by the friends and supporters of the SNK corporation. McSNK's cannot be held responsible for food poisoning, death, loss of Mojo, impotence or transformation into Orochi characters.  
  
Note- K2 dope (Kyoshiro from Samurai spirits) and Silent White (White from Real Bout: Fatal Fury Dominated mind) are based on and are a tribute to 2 of the members of the ICP (Insane clown posse), Shaggy 2 dope and Violent J. The ICP for those who don't know are a group of rapping clowns who also have their own hardcore wrestling federation, JCW (Jugglers wrestling championships?), while Joker (from Kizuna Encounter and Savage Reign) was a homage to the CZW (Combat Zone Wrestling) Strong style wrestler of the same name, speaking of Kizuna encounter, Eagle and Gordon are from that game too. Gordon's a cop and probably SNK's answer to Edi. E from Final Fight, and Eagle is this wrestler who wears a "stars and stripes" jacket and wields an axe, Joker himself was basically a clown who used clown trick attacks on his enemies.  
  
Note2- Jody Fleisch for those who don't know is a British wrestler from the FWA (frontiers wrestling alliance) and one of the country's best high- flyers. He's also a former FWA champion. He'd more than give guys like Triple H, Steve Austin, Goldberg, The Rock and Rey Mysterio a run for their money. He's wrestled for many promotions including FWA, ROH, CZW, Michinoku Pro Wrestling and IWW (Irish Whip wrestling), He's retired due to injury, but he's scheduled to return sometime in November.  
  
Note3- Here's one for the ROH fans out there, Special K' and it's members Slim K', Kyo-caine, Iori Excel, and Ash Dust are a tribute to the Ring of honor group of Special K, and its members, Dixie, Brian Excel, Angel Dust, Deranged, Hydro, Slim J, and one time Jody Fleisch. Their was usually the "Spoiled rich kids who live off of their parents money, go to raves, do drugs and Alcohol, and shit like that". And I thought that those 4 (Kyo and Iori at least) would fit in with that category (spoiled rich kids).  
  
Note4- Roy Wilson, from 3 count Bout, is a 6'6" 297lb monster from Germany. He is no relation to Bob if your wondering, but he does resemble a similarity to Slammaster's Rasta.  
  
Note5- Terry's "freedom of choice" T-shirt was based on the T-shirt of Kurt Angle, "Freedom of choice, Tap out or Angle slam", and is a man who'll definitely be missed in the world of wrestling, as he was easily the best thing in the increasing bad WWE.  
  
Note6- Terry's "Nothing or Like it" quote was taken from the catchphrase of FWA Superstar and Managing director, the "Show stealer" Alex Shane, who's been in the business for 11 years, despite being only being 24 years old.  
  
Note7- McSNK's, yeah McDonalds. It was basically SNK versions of fast food products, hence the Mai Scream, the Rising Tacos and the Mr. Big Mac.  
  
Thanks to the all that have reviewed this fanfic, and have put up with my delays. Special thanks goes to Captainspoon/Anton/Mr. Big, for being a true friend and supporter, this dedicated to SNK fans like you. Keep on reading. 


	6. Chapter 4c Kawasaki's Pay per view extra...

Mario working for SNK chapter 4.3- Kawasaki's Pay per view extravaganza!!

The SNK USA head office in Southtown, and SNK big boss, E. Kawasaki is talking to Terry, Mario, and Kim concerning the events of SWF's 3 count Bout. On one hand, he's happy about the success that it has brought in and how well it worked for both the company and for the fans, but on the other hand he's seriously pissed off about the interference by the Capcom's shotoclones and how it ruined the debut of SWF. Mario and co..... are equally pissed off for the exact same reason, and the twisted genius, Kawasaki is thinking of a way to get back at Capcom.

Kawasaki- I don't know about any of you 3, but I have had just about enough of Capcom's BS. First of all it was the fact that they became popular over us just because they beat us to the release date with Street Fighter 2, despite Fatal Fury being in development way before their big game, then it was the harsh treatment that Ryo Sakazaki has received after falsely being accused of ripping off Ryu, despite having more storyline, personality, and overall character that that shitty shoto ever had, then it was the whole Dan Hibiki incident, and don't get me started on that, but now they've gone TOO FAR!!

Terry- too true, I mean we've been making videogames longer than Capcom, so what gives them the right to say that we're imitations of Capcom. Hey we don't imitate, we innovate.

Kim- yeah, us guys at SNK have class, character, and some standard of uniqueness. What do they have? Oh yeah rehashes, and lots of them.

Mario- I'm not a Capcom hater, but I'm really worried about some of the crappy decisions they make. I mean they published the Magical Quest Starring Mickey Mouse on the SNES. How fucked up is that?

Kawasaki- and now they come and invade our SWF franchise, a wrestling company that we all built from the ground up? Bullshit, time for a little payback. I'm gonna show them that SNK aren't to be fucked with.

In the midst of his anger, Kawasaki has an idea, but first he decides to keep it to himself for the time being.

Kawasaki- well, it's getting late and you guys have a show next week at the dream amusement park. Good luck, see ya.

So after the little heated discussion concerning Capcom, the 3 decide to calm themselves down and head to the "Pao Pao Café". Unfortunately as soon as they get there, they find the place completely wrecked, covered with graffiti, including message like "Shin Akuma woz ere", "Capcom 4 ever", and "Fuck innovation, viva la rehashes". On the far side of the wrecked café, Pao Pao Café owner, Richard Meyer is seen covered in cuts and bruises. Not to worry though, as he is tangling with Ryo/Robert piss-take, Dan Hibiki. He has easily driven off the other offenders (Ken, Akuma, Balrog, and Adon), and is left with Dan.

Terry- oh fuck no, to think that Capcom couldn't stoop any lower, they just do.

Mario- oh no, is that Richard? Don't you think we should help him?

Kim- that's Dan Hibiki. I've heard of him, and I don't think Richard needs our help. Just watch what happens.

Dan- die, you one hit wonder, who only appeared in one Fatal Fury game!! You can't stop the big pink machine, Dan! OYAJI!

Dan Hibiki goes in for the kill. Unfortunately, he's a useless piss take, and slips on a banana in the process. As he gets up, Richard hits him with his "Spider kick" knocking him unconscious. Richard then throws him into a seat, tying him up with masking tape and taking him to one of his offices for interrogation.

Richard- right, what are your boss's plans?

Dan- I don't know, I hardly ever know anything.

Richard- don't mess with me, you pink wearing turd. I know your one of the Capcom posse, so tell me why did you attack the café?

Dan- I told you, I dunno. And even if I did I wouldn't tell you anyway, so fuck you.

Richard- alright then, if that's the way you want it.

Richard snaps his fingers, and in comes Ryo and Robert, armed with dangerous weaponry, and various sharp objects. They obviously did take likely to Capcom's Ryo/Robert Parody.

Robert- hello, Danny, boy. Long time no see.

Dan- uh, oh.

Ryo- so you think we're all just funny, huh? Well let's see how funny you can be once we break your funny bone.

Dan- NOOOO!!!

Ryo and Robert proceed to beat 7 shades of shit out of their piss taking parody, and their having a bloody good time doing it too. Can't say the same for Dan, who isn't spared from the brutal onslaught of the two Kyokugens. And who can blame the Kyokugen's, after what Dan put them through, they must've been waiting for ages to get some sort of payback.

Mario, Terry and Kim continue to wonder around Southtown, unsure of what to do next. They enter "La illusions" club, but then all of a sudden, in an act of cowardice, Evil Ryu, Shin Akuma, Violent Ken, and Mech Zangief hit our heroes from behind with steel chairs. This would've taken out any guy instantly, but this only seriously hurt Kim, Terry and Mario, who were conscious enough to keep fighting, but all of a sudden, a nameless wrestler in a Luchadore mask and an SNK t-shirt and a baseball bat came in an got involved in the fight. With an SNK SWF t-shirt on, you'd easily think that he'd be there to come to our heroes' aid, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case, as he instantly turned on them, cracking Terry with a steel chair and busting him wide open, and the nameless wrestler then immediately rips his own shirt off and revealing the CWA (Capcom wrestling Alliance) T-shirt underneath, and also telling them that his name is Stinger from Saturday Night Slam-masters. And while Kim suffers from a "raging Demon" from Shin Akuma, Mario is being put through a table by Violent Ken and Evil Ryu. Violent Ken picks up the microphone, having being the only guy in the group (not including Stinger) with some sort of personality.

Violent Ken(microphone)- you can't beat us, you little Neo wimps, we'll kick all your asses. Consider this a friendly warning for your boss from the Capcom crew, shut down the SWF, or we'll shut it down ourselves, along with SNK.

Akuma(microphone)- SHOOOOOOOOOOSSSH (does his constipated charge up pose, then breaks wind)!!

Mario- EWW!! Can't you even apologise for that?

The next day, Mario, Terry, and Kim after recovering in hospital, have been talking to their boss about the cowardly attack. Mr. Kawasaki can relate to this incident, as 20 minutes ago in the revolving restaurant of KOF 96, he was mugged by Ken and Batsu, who need the help of the Mad Gear as they were too afraid to attack him themselves because Kawasaki had a sharp fork in his hand. This is just an excuse for them to really get pissed off big time.

Kawasaki- what again? Is there no end to this crap? Meet me at the SWF arena we'll discuss a little plan for tonight.

The SWF sports arena. And yet another SWF show has come to the arena. We now go to our usual commentators.

Satoshi- welcome to another SWF Smacktacular show. I'm Satoshi Hashimoto.

Harumi- and I'm the gorgeous Harumi Ikoma, and have we got some hot action for you tonight, but first let's talk about what happened last week.

Satoshi- yeah. We at the SWF and at SNK try our hardest to make the best quality entertainment for the fans. What we do, what we sacrifice is done for you, the fans. And I'll be DAMNED if people like the guys from Capcom just turn up on OUR turf and try and sabotage what we worked so damn hard for. Let's take you back to last week's highlights.

Flashback to the previous SWF show, and in this case the last chapter. And the highlights of the match between the SCP and Daimon, Eagle and Gordon, as well as the post match interference by Shin Akuma, Violent Ken and Evil Ryu are shown up on the Titantron, and in WWE style too.

Harumi- I mean what happened just there was not only an embarrassment for the SWF, it was a black eye for SNK, and it was just plain wrong. I mean really don't Capcom have any respect for any other company? They're already powerful enough a company, they don't need to do this.

Satoshi- I'm just glad Red Dragon, Terry Rogers and Blues Hablam came to the rescue as soon as they did. I mean the SWF is upset with this, SWF officials are upset with this, the fans are upset with this, the superstars are upset, and even their families are pissed off with this.

Harumi- anyway, back to tonight and we've got a hell of a match. Some Junior Heavyweight action.

The lights dim and "I wanna fly away" by Lenny Kravitz plays in the background, the ring now is Karman Cole, since we have to put him to some use. He speaks in a very monotone type voice.

Karman- the following Junior Heavyweight single contest is scheduled for one fall, approaching the ring, from high above the clouds, he weighs in at 143lbs, he is the Aviator of offence this is ALFRED!

Alfred enters the enter the ring, but not from the entrance way, as he enters with style in a mini airplane for out of nowhere, being the flash bastard that he is, he does a few loop de loops before jumping out of the airplane and into the ring with style.

Satoshi-and here comes Alfred, entering with style, the way only he can. The fans are loving this. This kid's got a lot of potential. Hopefully a win tonight will help Alfred realise his potential.

Karman- and his opponent, accompanied by Rose Bernstein, hailing from Blacknoah, weighing in at 142lbs, Adel Bernstein.

The lights dim and Adel's theme tune (I don't know how it goes, sorry) plays in the background, an out comes Adel, accompanied to the ring by his sister and his father's Panther, he is also wearing the big coat that Rugal wore in KOF 2002. He enters the ring, Alfred isn't impressed. and Karman steps out of the ring, as the match begins.

Harumi- here comes Adel. He looks ready for action. For the guys at home, this kid is the son of Rugal Bernstein, so it'll be interesting to see what he can do.

The bell rings, as Adel fires off a Reppuken, which Alfred easily avoids, and responds with a diving Hurricanrana.

Harumi- Adel tried a cheap shot, but Alfred had it well scouted, and countered with an awesome Hurricanrana, which sends Adel crashing to the outside of the ring. And Rose is looking on to see if her brother is OK.

Satoshi- what is Alfred doing now? He looks like he's setting up for something.

Alfred positions himself, and catapults himself outside of the ring using a springboard shooting star press, a Jody Fleisch type move. Not to worry, as Rose gets out of the way in time, which is more than I can say for Adel, who takes the full force of the move, the crowd is on their feet.

Crowd- HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

Satoshi- OH MY GOD!! WHAT AN AWESOME HIGH-RISK MOVE BY ALFRED!!

Harumi- looks like Alfred ain't pulling any punches.

Alfred rolls Adel back into the ring, but gets "distracted" by Rose. This is enough for Adel to recover, and come back with a baseball slide dropkick, followed by a Brain buster from the apron to the inside.

Harumi- looks like the momentum switched there thanks to that little distraction.

Adel sends him to the corner, and chops the hell out of Alfred

Crowd- WOOO!! (chops again) WOOO!! (and Again) WOOO!!

Adel then chokes him with his boot. The referee forces Adel to break the hold. He does, but only at the last second, wearing his opponent down.

Satoshi- Adel breaks the hold. Like him or not, Adel's a very smart kid. He can utilize the counts and he can set the match at a pace he feels comfortable with. Just like his father did back in his day.

Harumi- yeah, but don't count Alfred out just yet. He's known to pull off upsets. He did pin Genjuro in the "Kibagami Genjuro open Challenge match", made Kain tap out to the Sharpshooter, and he came close to beating the SWF Junior heavyweight champion, Andy Bogard.

Adel Snapmares Alfred, then kicks him in his spine (a.k.a, the spinal tap) which hurts Alfred momentarily. He then follows up with a sleeper hold. But in cheesy WWE fashion, Alfred fights out of it with a few elbows. He runs off the ropes, but it met with a knee to the gut. Adel goes for the pin.

Ref- 1...2...(Alfred kicks out)

Harumi- oh no. it takes more than a knee to put away Alfred.

Adel scoops slams him, and then goes to the to rope. His pulls off a nice Moonsault, and hits target. Here comes the pin.

Ref- 1...2... (Adel picks up Alfred, as the crowd boos him)

Satoshi- oh, come on, Adel. You had the match won, what's your point?

Harumi-Looks like Adel's not through with him yet.

And he isn't Adel goes back to the top rope again, and hits yet another moonsault. Here comes another pin.

Ref- 1...2...(again Adel picks up Alfred)

Satoshi- this is getting ridiculous now. Finish him already.

Adel yet again goes for another moonsault, this time Alfred rolls out of the way in time, but Adel was smart enough to land on his feet, he then goes for the kill.

Harumi- nice agility by Adel, landing on his feet after a missed moonsault. Kicks Alfred in the midsection, looks like he's going for some sort of powerbomb.

Harumi- Maybe he's setting Alfred up for the Blacknoah bomb.

Adel sets Alfred up for the Blacknoah bomb, known for putting away guys like Shen Wu, and K9999. But Adel is taking too much time, playing to the crowd, this is enough for Alfred to reverse the move into a pinning hurricanrana.

Harumi- 1...2...3... he's done it! Alfred wins!

Satoshi- WHAT THE FUCK??? HE DID IT!!

Adel is shocked, as is Alfred, who quickly runs away from a stunned Adel, and from a possible post-match beat down. We leave Adel arguing with his sister, Rose.

Karman- Here is your winner, ALFRED!!

Satoshi- what an impressive victory by Alfred, using Adel's own momentum against him, pinning Adel as if he swept the rug from under him.

Harumi- looks like Adel's showboating came back and bit him in the arse, he clearly had the match won, but his arrogance got the better of him tonight.

Satoshi- Alfred's rankings continue to soar, while Adel will live to wrestle another day. Looks like we've got some locker room footage. Let's take you there live.

We now go to the SWF locker room, and Terry is talking to Mario, as they both have huge matches later on in the show. Mario is going for the SWF Intercontinental title (currently held by Elias Patrick), while Terry is looking to win the SWF heavyweight championship (currently held by Krauser).

Mario- looks like I have everything in the bag for this match. The IC championship is mine for the taking. How are you feeling, eh Terry?

Terry- hey I'm pumped up for my match, and I've beaten Krauser before, but I'm just worried about the Capcom cronies, spoiling our fun.

They are interrupted by SWF no.1 announcer, Michael Max, who has been asked to interview the wrestlers from the backstage.

Mario- I hear you loud and clear. Just be careful in your match, and win one for SNK.

Terry- OK! Let's do the damn thing!

Michael Max- Blues Hablam, tonight you make your in-ring debut against Elias Patrick for the intercontinental championship. What are your thoughts?

Mario- I'll tell you what, I'm gonna let all you fans know that the "Blues Brother" Blues Hablam's in the house. I'm gonna take Elias to the limit. Elias, after the match is done, I'm gonna make you sing the blues after I take your title. I'm ready, ARE YOU? (Mario leaves and heads towards the ring)

Michael Max- by the way Mr. Terry Rogers, what were your thoughts on the invasion by these Capcom characters and that heinous attack on you a few days later? As well as this your title shot against Krauser?

Terry- I'm not gonna worry about Krauser, cause I've got his number, but Shin Akuma, Evil Ryu, and all your recycled rejects. You wanted to piss me off, you succeeded, you wanted the SWF's attention, then you received it, you wanted to play with fire, I tell you what, you're gonna get BURNED. For years we had to put up with your crap, well now, we ain't gonna take it NO MORE!! Capcom, Shin Akuma, Evil Ryu, I'm gonna TAKE YOU ALL OUT!!

Michael Max- bold words from our franchise players. Let's head over to the ring.

Back to the present, and after an unimportant match between Jin Fu Ha and some nameless extra from Fight Fever, The lights dim, and then glow red and a funky tune of "Pass the Courvoisier" by Buster Rhymes plays in the background. Karman introduces the next match.

Karman- the following is title match schedule for one fall, and is for the SWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!! Introducing first, the challenger, from Mexico City, Mexico, he weighs in at 352lbs, he is the Latino Bandit, the "Blues Brother", BLUES HABLAM!!

Mario (or Blues Hablam as his stage name goes) heads to the ring. He is wearing his usual Luchadore Attire (Lucha Mask, boots, pads, and leotard) with a Mexican hat, and a Mexican style T-shirt. He gets a standing Ovation from the crowd, as he makes his way towards the ring, at the same time dancing to his theme tune, before taking off the t-shirt and throwing the hat to the crowd, giving someone a keepsake of a lifetime.

Satoshi- looks like Blues Hablam is looking focused tonight, as this is his debut in the SWF as a singles competitor.

Harumi- but don't forget he was involved in that incident between the Capcom invaders. In fact he along with Terry and TRD (the red dragon) help stop the invasion from completely ruining our show.

Satoshi- now here comes the IC Champ.

The lights dim and a Church organ/Heavy Metal type theme tune plays in the background. Karman Cole introduces the IC Champion.

Karman- and his opponent, from the City of Angels, weighing in at 197lbs, he is the SWF Intercontinental champion, the Messenger from above, ELIAS PATRICK!!

Elias makes his way to the ring, wearing his usual attire, but with some sort of cloak covering his face. He takes his cloak off his head revealing his face just like Christopher Daniels does. He heads to the ring, getting ready for his fight.

Harumi- as always, Elias makes a spectacular entrance to the ring. He's been an impressive champion ever since his won that fatal 5 way match between himself, Iori Excel, Heavy D, Raiden and the former champion, Ryo Sakazaki. But can he see off his next opponent? It'll be interesting to see what Blues Hablam can do.

Mario- What the fuck? This guy looks like a converted Ozzie Osborne.

Elias- attention, brethren. Watch as I show this sinner the errors of his ways. Aid me in doing the lord's work. Give me a hallelujah. May the lord have mercy on your soul, my brethren.

Mario is confused, but so will most people if you've ever been to Elias' sermons.

Mario-err, yeah, whatever. Just bring it, holy boy.

Mario and Elias tie-up. Elias takes the wrist of Mario and puts on a wristlock.

Satoshi- collar and elbow tie-up. Elias takes the wrist and cinches in a wristlock. Blues rolls through, kips up, tries to grab the wrist, (Elias grabs the mask of Mario and slams him down on the map) ooh, dirty tactics by Elias, still grabbing that wrist (Mario kips up again, and again Elias grabs the mask and slams him down) and again Elias grabs that mask, Blues kips up again, Elias yet again grabs the mask but wait, Blues rolls back, and head nips up, and reverses the wristlock (crowd claps).

Harumi- nice reversal by Blues, it seems like Elias has got his work cut out for him.

Mario follows up with a hammerlock, and cinches it in hard. Elias fights out of it, and cinches in a headlock, then follows up with a headlock takedown, still keeping that headlock, Mario reverses with a scissors headlock, which Elias reverses into a roll-through headlock. Bear with me people, as I'm being a little too technical, and you'll have to be a real wrestling nut to figure out what I'm talking about.

Anyway, both wrestlers are on their feet, Elias STILL has that headlock on. Mario then reverses the hold by rolling onto his back and letting Elias roll with him. As soon as Elias gets up, Mario delivers an arm drag, Elias retaliates with an arm drag of his own. Both try to arm drag each other, but neither one of them will give. Mario uses a clothesline, which misses, Elias uses a Yakuza kick but he too misses, both try for Enziguris, which cancels each other out. Then both nip up and they both stand off, Ring of Honor style. The crowd are cheering like mad, in appreciation of these 2 great athletes.

Crowd- LET'S GO HABLAM LET'S GO!! LET'S GO ELIAS LET'S GO!!

Harumi- wow! What a great match-up, ladies and gentleman. Blues Hablam is looking VERY impressive in his debut.

The match continues, wrestlers grappling with no clear winner. Unfortunately, as Mario was going for a Powerbomb, Elias tried to counter with a hurricanrana, but Mario re-countered by trying to get him in a Boston crab hold by locking Elias' arms with his feet. Unfortunately for both, Mario slipped and fell forward, and they both ended up came crashing down forwards, sending Elias face first into the canvas. A young boy sitting in the crowd (soon to be a phenomenal wrestler in the future) is pissed off, as he feels that he was the one who came up with that moves.

Young boy in the crowd- Hey, you bastards! That was my move! I even had a name for it, the "Styles Clash".

Nameless fan- shut up, man. Your not even a bloody wrestler yet.

Back to the match, and Mario and Elias are down, and the ref administers the 10 count. Both get back on their feet. Elias, tries for a right hand, but Mario blocks and counters with his own. He then comes back with a running clothesline, flying head scissors, and a few suplexes. Things are going his way, until he knocks the ref down after going for a spear.

Satoshi- uh oh the referee's down. Looks like trouble.

Harumi- uh oh, looks like Elias has Blues set up (Elias grabs Mario, and gets him in the "Angel's Wings", a sit-down pedigree).

Satoshi- It's over (Elias pins Mario, but the referee's down, Elias then tries to wake him up) he can't pin him, the ref is down.

Harumi- uh, oh Mario's up (Mario gets Elias in the "Blues Bomber" a fireman's carry into a sit down inverted pile-driver) BLUES BOMBER!! BLUES BOMBER!! IIT'S OVER!!

Mario ascends to the top rope and hits his opponent with a "corkscrew Shooting star press" a move he calls the "Fajita twister".

Satoshi- FAJITA TWISTER!! FAJITA TWISTER!! Come on, Blues, pin him, PIN HIM!!

Unfortunately, as Mario was just about to pin Elias, Shin Akuma comes in with the IC belt and cracks it over the head of Mario.

Harumi- NOOOO!! DAMMIT!! DAMN YOU TO HELL, AKUMA!!

Akuma beats the shit out of Mario for a while, and later Violent Ken, and Evil Ryu come in to interfere also. Fortunately, the SCP members Joker and Silent White, accompanied by Terry, drive the three evil clones out of the arena. This leaves Mario and Elias in the ring. Mario just about recovered from the assault but it met by Elias's "Cleansing of the soul" finisher (a deadly reverse Frankensteiner) here comes the pin, as the ref has recovered, oblivious to what went on in the last few minutes.

Harumi- No! it can't all end like this. 1....2.....3 NOO!! DAMN YOU CAPCOM BASTARDS!!

Karman- the winner of this match, and still the SWF Intercontinental champion, the Messenger from above, Elias Patrick)

The crowd boos. Not at Elias, but the fact that Shin Akuma screwed Mario and ruined the SWF yet again.

Satoshi- no shame in Mario getting pinned by the "Cleansing of the soul ™". Elias Patrick is a great champion, but Blues had him beat, and the title should've changes hands. But once again Capcom decided to stick their noses in where it didn't belong, and once again, this show is ruined.

Mario is taking out of the ring by his fellow wrestlers, as he's too beat up to walk himself.

We now go backstage, and Terry is talking to Mario about his match, and the interference by Akuma. Mario of course, is badly injured, and is hell bent for some sort of retribution.

Mario (exhausted)- BASTARDS!! I WAS THAT CLOSE, THAT CLOSE TO WINNING THE IC CHAMPIONSHIP!! I'M GONNA KILL THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS!!

Terry- calm down, man. You're badly injured, and trying to payback in your condition won't help things.

Mario- just be fucking careful, and win that title.

Back to the ring, and Terry's "11th Street" Fatal Fury Wild ambition theme tune play in the background, and Karman announces the challenger.

Karman-The Following match is scheduled for one-fall, and is for the SWF heavyweight championship. Approaching the ring from Southtown, USA, weighing in at 169lbs, here is TERRY ROGERS.

Terry Bogard (aka Terry Rogers) enters the arena, he is dressed in a "Stars and stripes version of his Fatal fury 1 attire (jacket, jeans, shirt, sneakers, and cap), he approaches the ring in style, climbing on the top rope, and back-flipping into the ring.

Satoshi- what the hell can you say about Terry? A Southtown Legend, an American icon, a pioneer in the junior heavyweight division, a former tag team champion with his brother Andy, and if things go his way tonight, he could be the FIRST man to carry ALL the gold. But first, he has to face his biggest rival yet, the Worlds heavyweight champion, Lord Wolfgang Krauser.

Terry warms up for his match, unfortunately, he is then jumped by the 3 dull shotoclones, along with Mech Zangief, who pummel the crap out of him, and then quadruple team him. Krauser makes his way to the ring, firstly looking at Terry and laughs at him, then looks at the 4 Capcom clones, who've stopped beating Terry for a moment. What's happened? Has Krauser joined Capcom?

Satoshi- Oh no, Krauser's enjoying this, he can't do this, has he betrayed SWF and joined CWA?

Harumi- this has been the darkest day of SWF history. After only a few shows and already we're having problems like this?

At first Krauser looks to have joined CWA, but to everyone's surprise, he smashes the title belt over the head of Evil Ryu, he begins to clean house for the time being, but soon enough the numbers game starts to catch up on him, and Evil Ryu puts Krauser through a table.

Harumi- NOOOO!!

It looks like another SWF show has been ruined, but surprisingly, an unexpected individual makes his way to the ring.

Satoshi- OH MY GOD, THE BOSS IS HERE, THE BOSS IS COMING!! AN HE HAS A STEAL STEEL CHAIR!!

In a fit of desperation, rage, and a high dose of caffeine, Mr. Kawasaki makes his way to the ring, armed with a barbed wire steel chair. He cleans house faster then the ladies from "how clean is your house". He then picks up the microphone and exposes his "idea" to the CWA rejects.

Kawasaki- WO!! Don't leave just yet, You guys wanna fuck with us, you guys wanna be a part of SWF so badly? Then YOU'VE GOT IT!! Because, on our new pay per view, SWF UNCUENSORED, it'll be you losers, against the likes of Terry Rogers, Blues Hablam, The Red Dragon, and a mystery partner inside an electrified steel cage (crowd cheers like mad) so I hope you prepared for some SHOCK TREATMENT!!

Wow, an electrified steel cage, what will happen, can the SWF finally get some sort of revenge on their Capcom adversaries? Will Mario be able to recover in time? Will the little kid from the crowd become a great wrestler? Find out next time, same SNK time, same SNK channel.

Note- it was about bloody time that Ryo and Robert got some sort of revenge on Dan, I thought.

Note 2- ever wanted to know HOW AJ Styles came up with the "Styles Clash™? Well it all started when he was watching 2 kids wrestling on a trampoline. One went for a Powerbomb, the other tried to counter into a hurricanrana. The guy doing the Powerbomb slipped forward, and the other guy landed flat on his front. This inspired AJ to turn that into a finisher. Hence the birth of the "Styles Clash™" which proves that even some of the best things came happen by accident. The AJ styles cameo is based a little on the upcoming AJ style seminar in Manchester on the 24th July. Another thing is that Teddy Hart's coming to Manchester in a few weeks time. Sorry, I just wanted to say that for no reason.

Note 3- Elias Patrick from Rage of the Dragons in my eyes, was based a little on the Fallen Angel, Christopher Daniels, a wrestler with a "Holy Priest" gimmick, and a pretty good wrestler too if you shaved Elias' head and gave him a goatee, he'd look exactly like him. His move lists include the "Angels Wings"(a sit down Pedigree), the "Last rights" (a swinging reverse neck breaker) and the "BME" (the Best Moonsault ever, a double jump moonsault).

Note 4-CWA (CAPCOM WRESTLING ALLIANCE) is the wrestling company for Capcom, as SWF is for SNK. CWA's main game was "Saturday night Slammasters" which featured wrestlers such as Mike Haggar. Stinger was a short generic Luchadore in a blue Lucha mask, who could do Moonsaults, topes, and shooting star presses. Think of him as a Rey Mysterio homage, as they do look similar.

Note 5- I don't know if anyone's noticed, but the colours on Terry's outfit kinda represent the American flag (Red, White, Blue) not surprising, as Terry's was originally portrayed to be an 80s American hero stereotype.

Note 6- the "getting hit over the head with the championship belt" thing was based on real life experience. Damn those things hurt, and they're not as soft as people think. Next time anyone tries to hit you with a title belt, run or cover your face.

Note 7- Terry's "we don't imitate, we innovate" was taken from the slogan from Ring of Honor.

Remember people, Keep Watching the wrestling channel. Sky Channel 427

Mario (to the narrator)- Hey don't You don't advertise "The Wrestling Channel" unless they pay us a fortune for it.


	7. Chapter 4d: SNK Vs CAPCOM: WINNER TAKE A...

Mario working for SNK Chapter 4.4- SNK VS CAPCOM: WINNER TAKE ALL!!

The Southtown gym (the one Yuri hangs out in AOF2), and we see Terry, Kim Mario and Ryo, in a special training session to help get themselves ready for the big match. Mr. Kawasaki is sitting with them "kindly" cheering them on, with a cat o' nine tails in his hands.

Kawasaki- COME ON, YOU USELESS TURDS!! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS SHIT!! YOU CALL YOURSELVES SUPERSTARS?? DO YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOBS?? COME ON, ONLY 999 MORE PUSH UPS TO GO THEN WE REALLY START THE TRAINING!!

Mario- shit, I don't think I could go another minute like this (Kawasaki cracks the whip on Mario) Uh, on second thoughts.... 991, 992, 993...

After 3 hours of brutal and intense training, gang finally crawl into the saunas, to burn off the excess fat. Later in the day, at the SNK office, Kawasaki gives them a little pep talk.

Kawasaki- for years we have been held back by companies like Capcom. Well now is the time to REALLY prove to Capcom once and for all, that we are not gonna take it. The 5- best SNK fighters against the 5 best of Capcom's. which brings me to our next announcement, since we haven't got that many franchise players here, due to G mantle doing a Phantom of the opera tour, and Athena being a part-time Goddess, I've decided to "lend" another company's Superstars.

Terry- really? Who?

Kawasaki- you're gonna love this. Here are you're new team mates.

Kawasaki opens the office door, and in comes....Sega's blue, spiky superstar Negro rodent, Sonic Da Hedgehog. He is dressed exactly as he was mentioned in chapter 2, wearing FUBU (the ones that go past the knee) jeans, his spiky hair is in blue cornrows, he wears a Do rag and a gold chain with "SEGA" embellished on it. Accompanying him is his Latino Fox Friend, Miles "Tails" Prowez dressed a little like Konnan from WCW and TNA. They are carrying a boom box, and are playing "Hip Hop" by Dead Prez. For some odd reason, Tails lays out a piece of cardboard and starts break dancing, while at the same time, soaring in the air. Terry and the gang are impressed, but Mario is not.

Sonic- WASSUP, MY SNK NIGGAZ? (throws the Elix Skipper TNA Triple X sign)

Tails- ORALE, VATO!! VIVA LA SNK RASA (strikes an Break dancing pose)!!

Terry- well I'm sold on the break dancing part. Welcome aboard.

Mario- oh, come on. This is a joke right, RIGHT?

Sonic- believe that, honky. I'm here to kick some Capcom ass, buoy.

Tails- yeah, homes. We're gonna show them how we do it South of the border.

Kawasaki- I've hired Sonic for one night only to get an edge over those Capcom bums.

Mario- Piss off. I'M the only cute lovable mascot in this company. ME NOT HIM!

Sonic- hey son. Don't be playa hating on me, you mushroom eating cracker. Besides, I'm not a cutie, I'M a mother fucking rebel. I'm here to take it to the man that is Capcom. And it's gonna off the hizzle for shizzle.

Tails- Testify, ESSA.

Kawasaki- come on, Mario. We desperately needed a new player, and Sonic was the only one available. We gotta win this one, and as a team too. What do you say, boys, put aside your differences, just this once, not for me, but for SNK.

Sonic- I'm cool with that, dawg. Gimme some skin.

Mario- oh, alright. But if you fuck up, I'll kick your black and blue ass. (They shake hands)

Meanwhile, at Capcom corp. in Japan. And the head of Capcom, along with Evil Ryu, Violent Ken, Shin Akuma and other Capcom characters are holding a meeting to discuss their evil strategy for the upcoming SWF event.

Capcom head- now we all know that we have an upcoming SWF events soon, what we need to do is plan who we are gonna pick for our team of 5.

Guile- then let's hope that these ones do the job well.

Cammy- yeah, the last guys who invaded SWF were hardly menacing.

Capcom head (to Cammy)- Quiet, filthy minion. Don't disrespect Capcom's clone characters. We're cutting out a lot of you good characters to make room for them. Like we did you, Deejay and Guile in SFA, and the Darkstalkers games in favour of them and the Street fighter games. And there's gonna be a helluva lot of Shotos too.

Guile- Oh no, not more shotoclones.

Capcom head- Oh yes, everyone loves Shotokan karate.

Deejay- Can't you at least make an "effort" to hire one guy with some sort of "personality" of their own or at least have someone who requires "skill" to play as them?

Use of the naughty "S" "P" and "E" words will get you fired around here, Deejay. And your opinion matters none to me, your only Capcom USA for fuck's sake, and the property of James Goddard. When we destroy SNK, we'll take over the gaming world, and make a hell of a lot of rehashes and shotoclones too. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Guile(whispering to Cammy)- moron

Cammy- as soon as this is over, we'll jump him.

SWF arena, and Mr. Kawasaki is giving a pep talk to his employees about the upcoming event.

Kawasaki- Listen guys, this is a do or die situation for SNK. We finally get our chance to prove to the world and to other companies that we're not just some 3rd party company that'll fade away in the next few years. Tonight we'll show everybody that SNK is the way to play. The future is now, people, and the future is bright.

Mario- yeah, that's the spirit. (Sees Sonic listen to "187 Carpe diem" by Snoop Dog and Dr Dre) would you knock it off?

Sonic- hey son, don't be playa hating the Hedgehog.

Mario- we're fucked for sure.

Kawasaki- come on, guys, all for one and one for all, let's go (does the hands on team spirit thing)

SWF arena, and the event that you've all been waiting for (well some of you anyway) SWF and CWA clash for the right to remain in business, and the arena is set-up like it was in WWF Invasion of 2001. Satoshi Hashimoto sits at ringside for commentary, his broadcast partner is Michael Max, having been promoted from his broadcast journalist position.

Satoshi- WELCOME TO SWF/CWA SHOWDOWN, SWF UNCENSORED!! I'm SATOSHI HASHIMOTO, AND WITH ME TONIGHT FOR A CHANGE, IS MICHEAL MAX!

Michael- glad to being be with you at the broadcast table, Harumi is with us, but she is the special guest announcer for this live event.

The show starts off with the same old pyrotechnics, and in comes the 2 announcers from each promotion. For SWF, the announcer is Harumi Ikoma, and for CWA, the annoying commentator from SFA3 and CVS2.

The pyrotechnics stop and the lights dim down, and "Firing Squad" by M.O.P. plays in the background. And out comes Capcom's first representative, who's coming out of the "Capcom" side of the entrance way.

CWA announcer- THE FOLLOWING BOUT IS SCHEDULED FOR 1-FALL! INTRODUCING FIRST, REPRESENTING CWA, HAILING FROM ENLGAND, WEIGHING IN AT 187lbs, FALCON.

Michael- here's our first match. 2 junior Heavyweights with a promising careers, at least until now, since one of us has to fold.

Satoshi- Falcon's a very gifted competitor, and a good selection on Capcom's part. Like them or not, when Capcom makes good characters, they make them.

Falcon (the pilot guy from Power Stone) walks down the ramp, and enters the ring in style, catapulting over the ropes. "I wanna fly away" by Lenny Kravitz plays in the background, and Harumi introduces the next opponent, who's coming out of the "SNK" entrance way.

Harumi- And his opponent, representing SWF, from high above the clouds, he weighs in at 143lbs, he is the Aviator of offence this is ALFRED!

Michael- this is almost like a battle of counterparts. Both of these guys have similar pilot-y gimmicks, both are up and comers and both have a very good high risk offences.

Both wrestlers lock-up, then start doing high-flying sequences that you'll expect out of a Jonny Storm vs. Jody Fleisch match up. After the odd catch-as-can wrestling, they both nip up and stand off. The crowd obviously are on their feet.

Satoshi- looks like the fans are getting into this match-up

Michael- we knew how good Falcon was, but he's definitely bringing his A-game tonight.

We'll now fast forward a little bit. As the two grapple each other, and hit each other with high flying moves with no clear winner. Five minutes later and Alfred has managed to gain the upper hand, and is signalling for his patented finisher, the AV8R (a 630 splash). He ascends the top rope, and executes his finisher, but Falcon gets out of the way, rolls up Alfred with his foot on the ropes and secures the win for team Capcom. Later on Harumi and the Capcom announcer introduce the next match, as Elias's theme music plays in the background.

Harumi- The following match up is scheduled for 1-fall, and is for the SWF intercontinental championship. Introducing first the champion, from the City of Angels, weighing in at 197lbs, he is the SWF Intercontinental champion, the Messenger from above, ELIAS PATRICK!!

Elias makes his way to the ring. Afterwards a similar Church style theme tune plays in the background. The god-awful Capcom announcer introduces the next opponent.

Capcom announcer- and his opponent, the challenger, from Mount Olympus, he weighs in at 376lbs, GILL!

Gill makes his way to the ring, dressed in his robes, being accompanied by his cult followers in Ku Klux Klan style outfits, holding torches. He heads towards the ring, to face his destiny. If anybody cares, on his way to the arena, he and some old has-been who called himself Rockin' Rebel for some reason or another were jumped, and mugged in a parking lot by a group of guys named "Hot chocolate" (consisting of Heavy D, Lucky, Mr. Jones, and Seth). Well it's not like anybody liked the Rebel anyway.

Michael- we haven't seen much of Gill, but we've heard that he's one of the toughest on the CWA roster. And judging by his entrance, it looks like the SWF IC title will be in serious jeopardy.

The bell rings, and for a few seconds, the 2 foes stare at each other, Gill grabs hold of a nearby microphone.

Gill- I've been watching you for some time, Elias. And it seems that you've become quite the quintessential champion, but you haven't faced an opponent of my calibre. Now behold my awesome power. See me in my full glory!

He burns his robes off, and reveals his half red, half blue body. He is also wearing underpants, a blonde perm and little else. Some challenge, what were Capcom thinking?

Michael/Satoshi/Elias/Crowd- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Gill- huh?

Elias- A half red, half blue man in a thong, and look at that big blonde perm! You've got to be big worst looking bad guy wrestler ever, and that's saying a lot since we have Kain and Wyler on our team, and even losers like Bradshaw, A-train and Jon Heidenreich made better heels than you guys!

Satoshi- what kind of a retarded Priest is Gill suppose to be?

Michael- if this is the best that Capcom have, then this'll be a cakewalk. He looks even gayer than Benimaru and Ash Crimson put together.

Gill is upset that people are laughing at his eccentric looks. Before he can do anything else, Elias connects with a super kick to Gill's chin, this stuns him briefly, and then he hits him with his "Cleansing of the soul" finisher (see last chapter for more details). He goes for the pin.

Michael- 1...2...3! HAHAHA!! Take that, you retard.

Satoshi- probably the easiest title defence in Elias' title reign.

Capcom announcer (pissed off)- the winner by fluke, and still IC champion by the skin of his teeth, Elias Patrick.

The match ends, and Elias picks up the carcass of Gill and tosses it out of the ring, and into his crowd of followers.

We take you backstage, where Mario and the rest of the SNK locker-room has just watched the "shortest title match it history", and are bursting out in hysterics, and are rolling on the floor laughing.

Mario- HAHAHA!! What a loser.

Terry- it takes a whole lot of pressure off of us if they have shitty talent like that.

Kain- it actually makes guys like me, Bao and Wyler look good. OWW! (Terry hits him)

Elias makes his way to the SNK locker-room, and the rest of the team celebrate with him, and douse him with champagne.

Back to the arena, and the next match is a treat for all you pure wrestling videogame fans.

Capcom announcer- the following tag-team contest is scheduled for 1-fall. Making his way to the their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 587lbs they are the team of Zangief, and Hugo.

The duo of Capcom wrestlers head down to the ring. Zangief's theme plays for them. And they look like they mean business, they are accompanied to the ring by Poison, Hugo's manager.

Michael- And here we have a tag team match. Here we see team Capcom, represented by a legendary Veteran, Zangief, and his rival, Hugo. Now normally, these two would hate each other, but they've seemed to have formed a tag team to take down SWF and team SNK. But they'll have a tough time handling these two.

Harumi- and their opponents (theme music play and crowd cheers) from Mexico city, Mexico, at a combined weigh of 430lbs, they are the team of the "Razors edge" Ramon and The Griffon, please welcome, Los Ramon, et La Griffon.

A low-rider car makes it's way to the ring. Inside are Ramon and the Griffon. Eddie Guerrero's "lie cheat and Steal" theme plays for them. They come out, wearing "Lie, Cheat and Steal" T-shirts, and Griffon is wearing a Latino heat bandana.

The match I on it's way. As Ramon starts off for his team, and Zangief starts off for his. They try and lock-up, but seeing as Ramon is at an obvious weight disadvantage, he effortlessly gets thrown all the way across the ring, slamming into the turnbuckle.

Satoshi- OWW! That's gotta hurt (Zangief runs to Ramon, attempting to Splash him, but misses him).

Michael- fortunately, Ramon got out of the way just in time, and follows up with an Ace Crusher.

Satoshi- Ramon runs the ropes, (lands on top of Zangief) beautiful somersault Senton. Goes for the pin 1..2, (Zangief kicks out with authority) what a kick out.

Michael- Ramon whips Zangief, but it gets reversed, (Hugo knees Ramon, but gets punched in the face in return), a cheap shot backfired on Hugo, Ramon charges at Zangief, ducks the clothesline, springboards off the ropes...

Ramon tries a Springboard Tornado DDT, but seeing as Zangief's a powerful wrestler, Ramon gets picked up and Northern Lights Suplexed into the corner post. Poison is obviously happy about this, and cheers his/her team on.

Satoshi- JESUS!! Look at the power of Zangief!!

Zangief makes a tag to Hugo, who whips Ramon to the ropes, and hits him with a clothesline, caused Ramon to flip around and fall on his stomach. He then does the clichéd classic heel wrestler tactic of provoking the opponent's partner, causing the ref to be distracted, and giving them the opportunity to double-team Ramon. They do that twice, making fake tags twice too, this leaves Hugo in the ring with Ramon.

Hugo scoops slams Ramon, then ascends to the top rope, supposedly for a moonsault. But he makes the classic heel mistake of taking too much time and showing off to the crowd. Hugo finally makes it up for a huge moonsault. Fortunately, Ramon rolls out of the way just in time as Hugo lands belly first into the canvas. Ramon then tries to make a tag to Griffon, but Hugo grabs his leg, but Ramon fends him off with an Enziguri, he then makes a tag to Griffon.

Satoshi- and in comes the Griffon, who's like a house of fire. He's cleaning house. A clothesline to Hugo, and one to Zangief, dropsault to Eagle, hurricanrana to Zangief.

Michael- wow, Griffon's all fired up. (Griffon and Ramon throw both Capcom wrestlers out of the ring, and set themselves on the ring apron), looks like their setting up for something.

Both Ramon and Griffon set their opponents up and dive off the apron and perform double top rope Asai moonsaults (named after the great Ultimo Dragon). But although they were caught in mid air, they were able to counter into reverse tornado DDTs, crashing their foes head first into the stage floor.

Crowd- HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! Etc.

Satoshi- Oh MY GOD!! ASAI MOONSAULTS INTO REVERSE DDTS!! AND THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET!!

Both teams re-enter the ring. Los Ramon et la Griffon are ready to finish off their opponents. Griffon has already put Hugo away with his "Big Griffon fall" finisher, and Ramon is going up top, ready to finish off Zangief. He hits his target, by performing a shooting star press, which takes a lot out of him. That and the fact that he was beaten up for a while by Zangief. Griffon picks up the already beaten Russian, and he signals for his big Griffon fall, before Poison uses a very unorthodox tactic to distract him.

Satoshi- Poison's up on the Apron and what the hell is she doing?

Poison takes her top off, which exposes his/her bare breasts in front of Griffon. Not caring about the fact that Poison's a transsexual, Griffon cannot help himself, as he stands there grinning, completely distracted. Even the referee can't help but look.

Meanwhile, Zangief, gets up and smashes the birdman wrestler with a set of brass knuckles, while Hugo smashes Ramon with a steel chair, making him bleed. The Ref is oblivious to this, as Poison hugs him close to his/her massive cleavage, slightly suffocating him.

Michael- come on ref, open your eyes. (Griffon is punched again with the set of brass knuckles, busting him open) oh, that's gotta hurt.

After striking the bird masked wrestler with the set of brass knuckles, Zangief sets Griffon up on the top turnbuckle, and performs a spinning piledriver, spiking him. The referee sees Zangief go for the pin, and starts the count

Ref- 1....2....3 (bell rings)

Capcom announcer (looking smug)- the clear winner by miles, Zangief and HUGO!!

Michael- there's no denying that team Capcom has won this match, but if it weren't for the big distraction by Poison, they'd would've been beaten minutes ago.

Zangief and Hugo continue the beat down on Griffon, but Ramon low blows Zangief and smacks Hugo with the ring bell. They may have lost the battle, but Los Ramon et la Griffon have won the war.

Onto the next match, but unfortunately the recognisable crappy dance/garage/rave music plays in the background, and you know who's coming out next.

Satoshi- oh no, not them.

Michael- and just when you think things couldn't get any worse, this happens.

Yes, it's the drug addled, completely bonkers group, Special K', with it's usual members, plus a few new members that they found in a nearby rave house. They are Kasy T (Kasumi in funky clubber gear), Ms. Melee (May Lee in a fluorescent version of her normal outfit, plus a power rangers type visor) BaoBao (Bao in a disturbing looking Tellytuby outfit) and Shingo Starr (Shingo dressed as Ringo Starr). And if you think that's not bizarre enough, they've invited members from Capcom too. Such as Batty Suka (Batsu in a village people's hat and a camp moustache), Ginga Ninja (Kyosuke dressed as Elton John), Sakura Hoop (Sakura with a hula hoop type hat, and an I love Ryu T-shirt) and Baby Mack (Makoto in MC hammer trousers and a Run DMC Hat and jacket). They walk down the entrance ramp and into the ring, stupidly dancing on the way there. The then tart a crappy speed enhance dance. To make matters worse, they are in possession of a microphone.

Kyocaine- hey, everybody. We're back! Coming to break it down with our magical friends (takes the box of Special K, and consuming a handful of drugs).

Ginga Ninja(stoned)- let your hair down, and your toilet seat up and let's party.

Ms. Melee- let's hear the sounds of the John Cena singing it's raining men, see Ron Killings dance to the theme of the Tweenies, and smell the flushing turd as I light up the ringworm.

BaoBao- WICKED, SORTED, INNIT!!

Baby Mack- we're here to party BEATCH!!

Ash dust- so join us as we join in with John Zandig, Nick Gage and Nate Hatred doing the funky chicken while, while we watch AJ Styles do the Macarena (yes people, these Special K' are nuts).

Slim K'- YEAH, DANCE and RAVE 4LIFE!! They rock, not like crap like Rap, Hip-hop, Punk Rock, Grunge and Reggae, we're the coolest thing in wrestling today, unlike the Blackout, they suck.

After the bullshit comments about Reggae music, "Gimme the light" by Sean Paul plays in the background, and out comes Deejay, who surprisingly is accompanied by Bob Wilson. They've heard just about enough of Special K's bullshit, and decided to head to the ring. They too are in possession of a microphone.

Deejay- I've had just about enough about of you morons. I mean I'm sick of your antics, but don't you EVER insult Reggae music again.

Bob Wilson- yeah, we're sick of you spoiled brats and your constant nonsensical waffling, it's time to beat some respect out of you lot. Don't you agree Deejay.

Deejay- Yeah, Mon. let's beat up some beatches!!

So the unlikely duo of Bob Wilson and Deejay proceed to beat seven shades of shit out of the drug fuelled posse, and for a while they're not doing so bad, but the number game soon catches up with them, and Special K' start to retaliate. Before Special K' start are ready to finish them off, "The Thief's Theme" by Nas plays in the background, and out come a wrestling group neither from SNK or Capcom.

Satoshi- wait a minute I've heard of these guys, they're from CZW aren't they?

Michael- Oh my god that's the Blackout. And they've come here to SWF.

The Blackout (consisting of overweight High-flyer, Ruckus, Cornowed haired midget wrestler, Sabian, Clown make-up wearing Strong Style wrestler Joker, and their Manager, token White boy gangsta, Robby Mireno) make their way to the ring. They've heard Special K's insults towards rap and Gangsta rap, and are pissed off, and ready for some action.

Satoshi- alright! Finally Special K' gets a well deserved arse beating (Ruckus squashes BaoBao with his razzle-dazzle moves a handspring back-elbow). Oww, that's gotta hurt!

Michael- looks like the Blackout Deejay, and Bob Wilson are taking care of Special K', (Sabian hits Slim K' with a 450 splash), wow, a lovely 450 splash by the Black Jesus.

The gangster themed wrestlers and the 2 island boys are completely cleaning house. The Special K' groups don't have a prayer and try to retreat. Unfortunately, Ruckus Grabs hold of Kasy T and uses his "Hate Crime" finisher (A Falcon's Arrow type move) to put her through a table, While Joker hits Ms. Melee with a Joker Driver. They continue to chase Special K' out of the arena, much to the crowd's delight. As they exited the arena, BaoBao are Slim K' are busted open with a glass bottle by a guy in a leather jacket, jeans, combat boots, short black hair and a goatee, who for some reason calls himself Captain spoon. I guess he didn't take too well to the anti-Punk rock/reggae/rap comments neither.

Satoshi- hopefully, that's the last we'll see of them tonight.

Michael- thank go for Capcom's Deejay. Never thought I'd be thanking Capcom on a day like this.

Away from the antics involving Special K', we take you backstage to the locker-room, where sexy Cat-girl, Felicia, cute lovable SS cat-girl, Cham Cham and Sci-fi manga girly girl Mignon Beart (in her 2nd outfit), are locked in combat. In other words...

Nameless Backstage employee- TRIPLE THREAT CATFIGHT!!

Felicia- Die, lame Manga Girly Girl impostor. Go back to your Neon Genesis Evangelion videos. (Scratches Mignon, then takes her down in a sexually suggestive way), and you (to Cham Cham), die you no hope rip-off, one-hit wonder. (gets up and scratches her as well)

Mignon- oh, yeah, take this you old has been. Some great character you turned out to be, didn't go anywhere after darkstalkers (girly punches Felicia back).

Cham Cham- Me, I'm the one who came first, you're the rip-off, stupid cat prostitute (scratches Felicia back, then looks at Mignon), as for you, take this you no-hope token Anime rip-off, who tried to dress up in a cat-girl outfit.

Five minutes into the fight and after the usual grappling, hair pulling, and scratching, and Mignon has had her clothes ripped and is wearing her other alternate outfit as under wear, while Felicia and Cham Cham are now topless. Unknown to both of them, this is being filmed by Mario, who is hiding in a linen basket, and will be the centre of his enjoyment in his bedroom.

Anyway, not wanting to be accused of dragging a wrestling themed Chapter on endlessly, we'll now take you to the long awaited main event. There have been many tremendous matches both from SNK and Capcom. Harumi and the piss poor announcer from Capcom wait to introduce their respected teams.

Harumi- ladies and gentleman, tonight's main event is a 10-man elimination death-match in an electrified steel cage match.

Capcom announcer- with the winning company is granted the right to stay in business.

Evil Ryu, Mech Zangief and Shin Akuma walk down the ramp, and receive loud boos and "you suck" chants from the crowd due to the fact that they're dull unoriginal, and vastly overrated. The Opening theme tune for Street Fighter 2 plays for them.

Satoshi- finally, the match that'll make or break this company, the main event of this spectacular show.

Michael- I'm nervous, but at the same time I'm excited as hell. A lot of anticipation building up to this one.

The crowd is waiting for the secret partners. And here they come. Firstly, a fat man in a hover motor egg pod thingy with a bald head, red-shirt, torn overall ginger moustache and a cowboy hat. Yes it's Dr. Ivor Robotnik, dressed as a White trash Southerner. Fittingly, the Final Boss theme tune from Sonic & Knuckles plays in the Background.

Michael- OH, SHIT!! DR. Robotnik? Fuck me, we haven't seen him since that explosion of his Death Egg in Sonic 3.

Satoshi- My god, now that's a shocker nobody in a million years would've expected Dr. Robotnik would end up here.

The next opponent is a shocker, as he enters the arena. This guys has a face of a dragon, a ginger hair, a spiky turtle like Shell and spiky shackles. He is also smoking on a joint. Yes it's Bowser, the big bad Nintendo boss from the Super Mario brothers, representing Capcom with the permission of Shigeru Miyamoto (in fact Shigeru sent Bowser to kick the shit out of Mario in return for loadsa money). The Final Boss theme from Super Mario Brothers 3 plays for him. He's definitely got it in for Mario, especially after he heard what kind of things Mario did to his daughter.

Satoshi- as if Dr. R wasn't shocking enough, we have this guy? Looks like SNK are in a world of trouble now.

After the 5 from Team Capcom enter the ring, the opening theme for KOF 98 plays in the Background, and out come team SNK, Blues Hablam (or Mario) Terry Rogers (Terry Bogard) and the Red Dragon (Kim Kap Hwan) they receive a standing ovation from the crowd, and are standing outside the ring staring at their 5 opponents, and at the same time being smart enough not to enter in a possible ambush. They also wait for their mystery partner. Mario however, is slightly miffed at the fact that he has to team up with them, but he thought what the fuck and did it anyway.

Satoshi- I wonder who their mystery partner's going to be?

Michael- and can they outmatch team Capcom?

And in comes....Miles Tails Prowez, who flies into the arena using his tails, the crowd are obviously shocked and on their feet for the Two-tailed, 2 tuff latino fox. "La Rumba" by Bobby Digital plays from him.

Michael- YES!! We have someone to counteract the onslaught of team Capcom's mystery partners.

Satoshi- and if Tails is here, you can guess who's not far behind...

The lights dim down, and a hip-hop remix of "SONIC BOOM" (the opening theme tune for Sonic CD) plays in the background, and out comes, SONIC DA HEDGEHOG!! And he enters the ring in style, wearing his Sega embellished gold chain, and "SONIC BOOM" tattooed on his knuckles. The crowd are going fucking bonkers for the Blue Negro rodent, which makes Mario a little jealous.

All 10 men enter the ring, as both Harumi and the shitty Capcom announcer introduce their respective teams.

Capcom announcer- ladies and gentleman introducing first, from the Shadowloo cloning factory weighing in at 350lbs, MECH ZANGIEF, weighing in at 175lbs, Violent Ken, from parts unknown, weighing in at 200lbs Shin Akuma. From Planet Mobius, weighing in at 280lbs, Dr. IVOR ROBOTNIK, and finally, from the deep dark regions of the Mushroom Kingdom, weighing in at 230lbs (440lbs including the shell), this IS KING BOWSER!! (Bowser looks at Mario, very threateningly).

Harumi- and representing team SNK, from right here in Southtown USA (the fans cheer), weighing in at 167lbs, TERRY ROGERS!! And from the Orient, weighing in at 153lbs, the Red Dragon, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at 352lbs, BLUES HABLAM!! From Planet Mobius, weighing in at 133lbs (149 including the 2 tails), MILES TAILS PROWEZ (Tails does the Eddie Guerrero dance), and Finally, from Planet Mobius, he weighs in at 144lbs (160 including the spikes, this is SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!!

After the intros, the match is gets straight underway, and team SNK and team Capcom butt heads. And engage in an all important scrap fest.

Mario- DIE, you lame, dull SVC shotoclone with Ric Flair's hairstyle (repeatedly chops Violent Ken).

Violent Ken- oh, yeah. Take this, you washed up, ex-Nintendo loser. Some star you turned out to be. I don't know why SNK bothered to push you. (hurricane kicks Mario back)

Mario- that's because SNK reward talent. Not like you Capcom losers who only care about Ryu, Ken, Akuma, and shin clones. I mean you even ditched guys like Guile, Deejay and Cammy in favour of making a Mickey mouse game, how fucked up it that. (hits him with a shining wizard).

Terry- take this, you overrated, overly cheap shotoclone. What the hell's so appealing about you? (super kicks Shim Akuma to then hits him with a standing Shooting star press)

Shin Akuma- OWW!! SHOOOSSH!! (hits Terry with a Shoryuken).

Satoshi- nice recovery by S. Akuma. Hitting Terry with a flying upper.

Mech Zangief- don't worry, comrade. I won't hurt you, much (repeatedly hits Kim with German Suplexes, after hitting him with a Russian leg sweep).

Kim- how dare you try and tarnish the name of SNK and SWF (back flip-escapes out of mech Zangief's German Suplex), NOW! I'm gonna open up a can of moralistic whoop ass on you. WATAH!! (spits green mist in his face, then Buzzsaw kicks him in the temple)

Bowser- burn, mother fucker, burn (spits fire at Tails).

Tails- come on, homes. You can do better than that, essa. ORALE (slaps him with his 2 tails)

Robotnik- keep your blue cotton picking ass still, buoy. So I cans hurt you blue ass. Yee hah!! (swings his pendulum boulder at him, the one on the first level of Sonic 1).

Sonic- bring it on, cracker. Everybody knows white men can't jump (repeatedly jumps on him).

The madness keeps on for ages, then Kim throws a steel chair at Shin Akuma, Kid Kash style and which knocks him back into the Steel cage, electrocuting him, and turning hit to crisp. Violent Ken hits Kim with a set off brass knuckles, and covers him for the 3 count. Terry Rogers assaults Violent Ken, as they battle it out on the top of the cage, and Terry uses his "Terryfier" (a Hurricanrana into a cradle Piledriver) finisher on Violent Ken, spiking him on his head and crashing it through the canvas.

Crowd- HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!

Michael- OH MY GOD!! JESUS CHRIST!! WHAT A MOVE BY TERRY!!

Unfortunately, Terry is too beat up to carry on, and Mech Zangief takes advantage of it by putting him away with a spinning Piledriver. Mario knocks Mech Zangief's head clean off with a barbwire baseball bat set on fire.

Twenty-five minutes into the match, with Tails, Terry, Kim Violent Ken, Shin Akuma, and Mech Zangief have all been eliminated. This leaves the arch rivals, Sonic and Mario in the steel cage with Bowser and Dr. Robotnik, their respective enemies.

Mario- oh, shit. This is what I've been dreading. (sees Bowser come at him with a spear) OOUCH!!

Sonic- ha ha take this fool! (again repeatedly jumps on Robotnik, causing his machine to blow up)

Robotnik- (flies out of the arena) GODAMN HEDGEHOG!!

Sonic- YOU GOT WASTED BEATCH!!

Meanwhile, Bowser it having his way with Mario, and is enjoying it as well, as he seeks revenge for what Mario "did" to his daughter.

Bowser- I've been waiting for this for ages now. This is for taking advantage of my daughter you bastard. How dare you break her virginity, I have to live with the shame of my sweet little princess being screwed by a plumber, and an enemy no less. (swings at Mario, hitting him and some missing him)

Mario- hey, she came onto me first (jumps on Bowser). Don't blame me for her screaming my name and breaking into her, then taking her up the arse...uh oh!!

Bowser- YOU DID WHAT!!! THAT'S IT YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!!

After hearing the graphic details of how what Mario exactly did to his daughter, Bowser goes into a fit of rage and starts pummelling Mario silly. Using everything from fireballs to hitting him with his tail. He then sets him up for the finishing blow, as he jumps up and falls back first for a Senton splash. But surprisingly, Mario is saved by an unlikely ally.

Sonic- NOOOO!! (does the slow motion thingy, as he pushes Mario out of the way of Bowser, but gets crush in the process)

Ref- 1....2....3 SONIC IS ELIMINATED!!

Michael- HOLY SHIT!! Sonic just sacrificed himself to save Blues Hablam. What a hero.

Mario- holy shit. Are you okay.

Sonic (injured badly)- me, I'm okay, bro. It takes more than this to beat the big blue machine.

Mario- err, Sonic, as much as I hate to say this, thanks, pal.

Sonic- hey no problems. Now win for SNK, don't worry about me (he passes out, but he isn't dead)

Mario is all choked up after that typical "Sacrifice scene" moment. He then turns his attention to Bowser, and is ready to kick ass.

Mario- (repeatedly hits Bowser) take this, and this, and have some of that. I'm gonna fuck you up worse than I did you daughter.

Bowser- OWW!! OUCH!! AAAIIEE!! NO NOT THE SHELL!!

Mario is quite happily kicking the crap out of Bowser, until the head of Capcom, enters the arena entrance and start blowing a whistle, Bill Alfonso style, and out come the whole CWA roster heading down to the ring, and enter the Electrified Cage. They are obviously beating the living shit out of Mario, and they other 4 SNK team members.

Satoshi- no, this isn't fair. It can't all end like this.

Fortunately isn't doesn't, as Mr. Kawasaki also comes down, blowing a whistle, and here comes the cavalry in the form the SWF roster. They even the playing field beating down many CWA guys, and saving Mario from an even worse fate. In the ring now are the beaten down Bowser, then equally exhausted Mario, the Ref, the head of Capcom Cammy, Guile and Deejay. Cammy is holding a large glass jar full of acid.

Capcom head- HAHAHAHA!! SWF will be out of business, and the CWA will rule, and the world will tremble at the mercy of Capcom and the shotoclones. Now, my lowly minions, strike the fatal blow, NOW!!

Cammy Deejay and Guile stare at the Capcom head, and have not hit Mario.

Capcom Head- what are you waiting for, you lowly retards. I said hit him, NOW, or I'll fire your asses (they still don't hit Mario). FINE THEN YOU'RE ALL FIRE...EEKKK!!

Just before the pompous Capcom boss could finish firing the three, Deejay hits him with hits rapid punches., while Guile knocks him away with his Flash Kick. Cammy uses the Jar full of acid, but instead he hits Bowser, simultaneously burning him, and knocking him out. They then throw Mario on top of the spiky lizard to make the cover, and forceful the ref to count!

Michael- 1...2...3!!! YES, YES!! SNK DID IT!! WE DID IT!!

Satoshi- YES!! THANK YOU! THANK GOD!!

Harumi- THE WINNER, AND THE COMPANY STILL IN BUSINESS, THE SWF!!

Capcom announcer- NO, NO fucking way!! That's bullshit, they cheated. YOU BASTARDS, YOU...OWW!!

Harumi then hits the highly irritating announcer square in the face, breaking his nose knocking him out and shutting him up.

Meanwhile, the SWF roster receive a standing ovation from the crowd, as the fireworks go off, confetti falls from the sky and tears of joy run down the cheeks of Mr. Kawasaki.

The Capcom team however, walk off, bruised and battered, with the crowd singing "NANANANA, NANANANA, HEY HEY HEY, GOODBYE!!" as they exit. Mech Zangief, Evil Ryu, Shin Akuma and the Head of Capcom have recovered just enough to walk out of the building, but were later mugged, beaten and killed by the Blackout.

Later that night, Mario, Sonic, Kim, Terry, Tails and Mr. Kawasaki are in the locker room and are celebrating the fact that they're in business, and that they have finally shown up Capcom.

Kawasaki- you guys are fucking amazing! I propose a toast to SWF and SNK. To SNK!

All- TO SNK!!

Mario- WOW! The SWF events were something else. I mean fucking the matches and the crowd were Fucking Ace.

Terry- now that's what SNK is all about. You guys are the dog's bollocks. You guys are great.

Sonic- you know something, it was pretty cool that Mario and I teamed up for a change. Even if it was for one night only.

Mario- well I've got to admit, even though I never really liked you that much, you were great and I actually enjoyed fighting with you. But remember it was for one night only.

Sonic- well, I'd better get the hell outta here. it's been fun, homes.

Mario- but remember, next time we meet, I'm gonna kick your ass.

Sonic- whatever, whitey. Just remember, you can't fight what you can't catch. (the shake hands possibly for the last time).

As the group leave the arena, they were greeted by Guile Deejay, and Cammy.

Mario- alright, what do you want?

Deejay- chill, brethren. We're not here to fight.

Guile- yeah, we're here to congratulate the better team.

Cammy- but don't think that by us helping you win it mean we like you or SNK, we only did 'cause the boss was cheap and we hate Shotos.

Terry- uh, yeah. Whatever.

Deejay-Well see y'all later, mon.

And so our wrestling themed chapter comes to a conclusive and in some terms happy ending. Deejay, Cammy and Guile were last spotted raiding the Capcom office, and running away with millions worth of cash, Sonic and Tails took they're pay from Mr. Kawasaki and spent a bit of it pimping up their car, Terry and Kim go back to their homes, ready for their next day at work, and Mario was last seen in the bedroom of his flat with Tina Armstrong, Rainbow Mika and Bowser's Daughter.

Tune in next time for more madness with Mario as he continues to work for SNK.

Phew, took me long to finish this up, I hope you liked this multi-themed chapter, or at least found it half decent. Shout out to the Wrestling channel, the Bagpipe report, the America X cup, CZW Bet of the Best 2, and the Future-shock Wrestling school in Manchester for helping me come up with all this madness.

Note- the "Blackout" are a group of mainly African American wrestlers in CZW (Combat zone wrestling) and are one of the most successful (and for some weird reason, the most hated) wrestling groups of that wrestling promotion. They recently won the CZW tag title from the H8 club (one of the most dominating tag teams in CZW history). Joker was a member, but he fled to Iraq for Military duty. The following members (and ex-members) are as follows.

Ruckus The overweight High-flying guy, the leader of the gang (dubbed a one of the Indies' greatest high flyers of today)

Sabian (a.k.a. the Black Jesus, a.k.a. the Booty man) the short high flying one with Cornrows.

Joker the Strong style guy with clown make up (currently in Iraq)

Robby Mireno their manager, the token white boy from the hood. Call him CZW's answer to John Cena if you wish.

Eddy Kingston (a.k.a. King) the Relatively new guy. Started out as a Chikara wrestler.

Maven Bentley their civil rights lawyer.

Note 2- Los Ramon et La Griffon were taken from Captain spoon's excellent "KOF sitcom Hell" fanfic, where Griffon and Ramon used the "Los Guerreros, lie cheat and steal" gimmick. This was done under the Captain's kind permission. As a reward for using my ideas for his fanfic, I decided to give Captainspoon a brief appearance.

Note 3- the whole 10 man winner take all match was based on the WWE Survivor Series' main event, where it was a 10-man elimination match against the best of WWF, Vs. the best of WCW and ECW. Throughout the WCW and ECW versus WWF events, I always thought that the treatment of WCW and ECW was unfair and was just a cheap ploy to make WWF look good (but they till suck now), the difference between my chapter and the WWE's I that I at least tried to make more out of it. And no, I don't hate Capcom, but I despise the shotoclones, for their constant hype their sameness, and their boring players who know nothing but Ryu, Ken and Gouki.

Note 4- it would be cool to see Sonic and Mario teaming up for the first time, or so I thought.

Note 5- seriously, who did come first? Felicia or Cham Cham? One of the biggest question on a lot of fan's minds.

Note 6- is it me, or does the Capcom announcer have the mot annoying voice around? I mean seriously, sometimes you jut feel like wanting to hut the guy up whenever he says something annoying.

Note 7- the newly added members of Special K' are just a bunch of teen fighters I dislike, with the exception of Shingo Starr.

Note 8- Their were a couple more matches I wanted to add, but due to time and space I had to cut them out.

Note 9- You know, even today that the WWE STILL refuses to use the cruiserweight division to its fullest extent. Mainly because the WWE always had this stupid thing about bigger men being superior to smaller men. Even for losers like Heidenreich and Bradshaw. Whilst ignoring guys like Taz and Perry Saturn, and losing guys like Jerry Lynn and Ron Killings (whom both have better careers in NWA: TNA)


	8. “Passenger 69 attack of the “Terrorpins”

**Mario Working for SNK chapter 5- "Passenger 69 attack of the "Terrorpins".**

After beating team Capcom in the SWF Main event, Mr. Kawasaki has rewarded his employees a well deserved holiday. Mario, after recovering from an intense slim-fast diet (where he lost 200lbs after the SWF show was over), and after the magic mushroom filled four in a bed sex romp with Tina Armstrong, R. Mika, and Bowser's Daughter, and after been beaten down by the 3 the next morning, is still up in his flat, watching TV (if anyone cares, he's watching NWA: TNA, with AJ Styles taking on the Amazing red). The door then knocks as Postboy (see chapter 3 for details) delivers yet another important letter.

Mario- what the fuck do you want now?

Postboy- this came especially for you Mr. Mario. It's from Mr. Kawasaki.

Mario- gimme that (snatches the letter from Postboy, then opens it) this better be good...

Mario opens the letter and inside I a big fuck-load of cash. Needless to say, dollar signs start to appear in his eyes.

Mario (grinning like a fuckwit)- CH-CHING!!! OH YES! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M ON ABOUT! (sees the note that came inside). Huh? What's this?

Mario reads the note inside the letter, and it reads...

Dear Mario,

As a reward for your excellent performance in the SWF show, I've given you and your colleagues the week off with pay. And as an added bonus, for winning the pay per view, saving the SWF, and shoving it up the arse of Capcom, I've also decided to give you tickets to the Mushroom Kingdom, along with your buddies, all expenses paid. Enjoy yourself, and try not to get into any mischief.

From

Mr. Kawasaki

Mario- nice, I've been meaning to take my workmates abroad, and thank fuck that I don't have to pay for it myself.

We now are in Southtown airport, where Terry and Kim have been waiting for Mario. He arrives and they get on their plane (which for some reason is shaped like a bomb's head, and named "The Banzai Bill"). The plane is piloted by a guy with an aviator jacket and a mushroom hat. Even the oh-so attractive flight attendants and the captain are wearing these, along with their usual uniforms. Terry and Kim are slightly freaked out by this, but Mario couldn't give a shit.

Terry- Uh, Mario. Is this the usual look for flight attendants on this plane?

Kim- yeah. I mean what's with the mushroom hats?

Mario- oh that. Don't worry, it's traditional headgear. Just like Sikhs wear Turbans, the Jews and Muslims wear Skull caps, and the Rastas wear those big beanie hats. Don't worry, this is usually a peaceful flight. Just enjoy the flight, see, their showing a movie.

The movie is shown, and for Mario, this isn't good at all. As tonight's movie shows something he'd hoped he'd never see again... "SUPER MARIO BROTHERS THE MOVIE"! Yes, the incredibly irrelevant and inaccurate feature length movie of Mario and Luigi. Terry, Kim and the rest of the passengers are in stitches, heck even the captain and the flight attendants couldn't stop pissing themselves with laughter. Mario however, is so embarrassed, his face goes bright red, and shrinks to half his size, as he squirms in humiliation. He obviously isn't too happy about secret movie disaster coming back and haunting him.

Everyone (except Mario)- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! (they all roll on the floor laughing).

Mario- NOOOOOOOO!!!! (does the Elias's Death scene from Platoon pose as the camera zooms out).

Terry- HAHAHA!! You never told me you had a movie based on you.

Kim- wow, that thing had me in stitches. Why didn't you tell us?

Mario (hiding under his seat, whilst dying of humiliation)- because they fucked it all up. I mean they got to play Bob Hoskins to play me and some Latino guy to Play Luigi, I mean they didn't even get the story right, they didn't even get the Goombas right. And what the fuck was Dennis Hopper doing playing as King Koopa?

Terry (giggles)- get over it, Mario. That was probably over a decade ago.

Mario- and it STILL gives me nightmares! And you wonder why I drink, take drugs, and have promiscuous sex, to ease the pain and to make up for and erase that crappy memory.

Thankfully for Mario, the movie is interrupted. Unfortunately it was interrupted by 2 spiky turtles with punk style Mohicans, trench-coats and balaclavas, armed with AK-47s, accompanied by 2 Koopa turtles, one dressed in a Beanie hat, and a bandana mask, the other in and Ski mask and a hooded jacket, along with a few Goombas dressed in a burglar masks and black & white stripes. It's Lemmy and Larry Koopa and their Koopa assistants, and they're here to hijack the plane.

Lemmy & Larry- FREEZE, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!! THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING STICKUP!! NOBODY MOVE, OR I'LL BLOW OUT EACH AND EVERY FUCKING ONE OF YOU!!

Koopa 1- GIVE US ALL YOU BELONGINGS, ALL YOUR WATCHES, YOUR CASH, LARA CROFT PORN MAGS AND ANYTHING ELSE REMOTELY WORTH STEALING!!

The passengers, understandably, are scared shitless of the reptilian hi-jackers, and hand over whatever personal possessions they have to the gun-toting Koopas, as all valuables are put in a turtle shell-shaped bag with "swag" written on it. As if by coincidence, Lemmy and Larry stop Mario in crowd of passengers.

Larry- yeah, keep it coming, keep it...(stops Mario in the row of passengers), what the fuck? What are you doing here?

Mario- Oh, great it's you. As if I didn't have enough troubles, you 2 fuck ups appear.

Lemmy- well, well, well. If it isn't the Italian asshole himself. We've been looking to pay you back for a while.

Mario- get over it. You're sister want me and you can't deal with it. Get a life.

Larry- no, because of you she fell pregnant, but we had to fry the egg and turn it into an omelette because it was yours. How do you explain that?

Mario- whatever...

Koopa 2- well you'd better gimme all your belongings or else...we'll show you that Mario movie again and again for the rest of the flight. (to Terry) not only that, but we have a rare copy of "White shaft" to play as our next movie

Terry- AAAAHHH!! (Hands over his possessions)

After looting the large number of passengers on the plane, the koopa brothers, decided they would make their mark internationally.

Meanwhile, in mushroom kingdom, King Toadstool is busy in the main hall (mainly playing Mario party on the Game cube, on a large monitor), when all of a sudden a guard runs in to address the king with some urgent info.

Nameless Guard- your majesty, come quick we have urgent news from mushroom airlines.

King- it better be fucking important, I've almost finished this game (pauses the game). OK what is it.

Nameless Guard- look at the monitor.

They watch the large monitor, and to the king's surprise, we see the Koopa brothers holding the passengers hostage, as they are broadcasting a message through their laptop's web-cam.

Larry(TV)- hello, Kingy. This is Larry Koopa of the Koopa family. As you can see, we've taken the whole plane hostage, along with the passengers and the pilots. If you wanna see any of them alive and unharmed, you'll meet the following demands.

King- forget it. We're not in any position to give in to threats from international terrapins (please forgive me for that joke).

Lemmy(TV)- OK then. We have other methods of persuasion at our disposal. (grabs hold of Ash from Pokemon in the passengers seat, then puts a gun to his head) tell me what's your name?

Ash (shitting it)- M-My name is Ash

Lemmy(TV)- do you have a family Ash?

Ash- yeah just my mother and my pet Pikachu

Lemmy(TV)- see, King. Ash has a mother, and she, before jut refused our demands had a son!

In an act of sheer brutality, Lemmy fires the gun at Ash, point blank, causing his brains to be splattered all over the floor. Many passengers are terrified, but Mario, Kim and Terry couldn't give a shit. I mean not many people would actually miss him.

Terry(TV)- even though I wanna kick the shit out of them for hijacking us, I gotta admit, good job in killing Ash. Serves the bastard right for trying to steal my image.

Larry- oh, and if you still don't believe our threats are real, watch this.

All the hi-jackers lift up their shirts or open their coats/jackets, to reveal a vest with many "Bob-ombs" attached to it. The hostages are obviously scared shitless for their lives.

Hostages- AHHHHHH!!!!! BOB-OMBER JACKETS!!

Lemmy Larry- HAHAHA!! YES WE'RE SUICIDE BOB-OMBERS!!

Mario- RIGHT!! THAT'S IT!! (stands up and confronts the hostages).

Koopa1- what the fuck do you want?

Mario- Now hi-jacking this plane and taking us hostages are one thing, but bad terrorist jokes are where I draw the line.

Lemmy- face it, Mario. You're a washed up has been.

Mario (very angry)- WHAT!!!

Larry- you heard us. A has been, a fraud, and never was and never will be.

Mario- THAT'S IT I'm no fucking has been, I'm here to stay!! TERRY, KIM, LET'S KICK SOME TURTLES ARSE!!

So the SNK trio storm into battle against the terrapin terrorists. Despite being handicapped, outnumbered and unarmed, the trio more than hold their own against the Koopa hijackers. I mean their Nintendo characters for fuck's sake, so how are you going to take them seriously? Anyway Kim finishes the 2 goombas off with hi Hou'ou Kyaku HSDM, Terry hits the Koopas with the rising beat move from SVC Chaos, and Mario jumps on both the Koopa brothers, and like he did to them on many occasions, hurls them at the already beaten bodies of the "terrorists", causing them to fall out of a plane window, while at the same time, setting the bob-ombs off, and causing them to explode. Not to worry, as they are Nintendo characters, they won't suffer a gory finish, they instead will be sent into orbit, like how team rocket are defeated.

Meanwhile, after seeing that the incident has been taken care of, the Mushroom King changed the channel back and continued to play "Mario Party", and is pissed off that he landed on the "go back to the start" square.

Join us next time as Mario and co. journey to the Mushroom kingdom. What will they find on the way, and how will the SNK crew take to the strange goings on there? Join us next time, after I've stop torturing JBL with various sharp objects.

**Note- the title and the whole hijacking scene was taken from the old 1992 Wesley Snipes film "Passenger 57" where he was a passenger on a plane hijacked by vicious terrorists. The "ask the hostage about his family before killing him" scene actually happened in that film, as did the terrorist being knocked out of a window plane window at the end of it.**

**Note 2- forgive me about the "Suicide bob-omber" and "global terrapin" jokes. I was actually quite drunk at the time, and also thought it would be cool since they actually were "terrorpins".**

**Note 3- "Banzai Bill" plane was actually the name of the giant rocket bomb with the face in the Super Mario Bros.**

**Note 4- is it me, or did anyone else think that the Super Mario Bros "movie" completely missed the point? First of all they has Bob Hoskins (as in the old British BT "it's good to talk" advert) to play Mario and some Latino guy to play Luigi? And if you think that's weird they, had Dennis Hopper as Koopa. Is it me or do videogame-based movies tend to be crap? I mean look at the Street Fighter movie as prime example. I shudder to think what would happen if they made "Sonic the Hedgehog" feature length movie. Imagine, a naked blue guy with spiky hair and sneakers running around with a real life fox with 2 tails and an obese fat dude in a hover chair chasing them.....(cringes).**

**Note 5- The "bad terrorist jokes are where I draw the line." Quote was taken from police academy 6, City under siege.**

**Note 6- the "White shaft" thing was taken from Captain Spoon's KOF Shictom Hell, where Terry did a movie a while back before he was famous about shaft being a white man, with Terry being "White Shaft". The movie was a complete flop though.**


	9. Chpater 6 Let's get settled in, Lads

Mario Working for SNK chapter 6- Let's get settled in then, lads.

After taking care of the whole situation with the Koopa brothers, Mario, Terry and Kim get off their plane and are in the Mushroom Kingdom airport. After willingly and happily allowing himself to be frisked, groped and stripped down to his skivvies by a very attractive security guard at the metal detectors stand, Mario leads both Terry to the exit point, where they see Mario's taller and much slimmer brother in green, Luigi, on a Rickshaw, which is being carried by a giant Para-beetles with wings. Luigi is holding a sign with "Mario Kim and Terry" written on it. He goes and greets his brother, whom he hasn't seen for quite a while.

Luigi- Mario! It's-a-good to see you again. Tell me how-a-was-a-your flight?

Mario- MAMAMIA!! It was fucking awful, not only did we get hi-jacked, the movie showed that disastrous "SUPER MARIO BROS." Movie. But, I at least got to score with 2 of the flight Stewardesses during.

Kim- and here's me thinking that you had real bad case of diarrhoea.

Mario- no, but they'll probably have rectal problems after I gave them some "staff" assistance.

Luigi- looks like you haven't changed a bit, Mario. But tell me, why do you not come back to Mushroom kingdom no more? Why do you not work for Nintendo?

Mario- I've been kinda busy with work, since, what Nintendo fired ME! Their fucking franchise, just because of my addiction to drugs, that and I sexually harassed that Nurse from Pokemon. Well fuck Shigeru, cause I'm now in SNK, where people treat their staff with a lot more respect, and we have a lot more fun too. By the way, these are my co-workers, Terry, an up and coming star, and Kim, a TKD kicking god. Oh god, these guys rule, and their great to have a laugh with. Like one time, Terry got so drunk, he did his "okay" pose whilst wearing a traffic cone on his head, and Kim once beat up that vanilla ice poser, John Cena when his family went to see WWE Smackdown, because he thought Cena was a bad influence on his kids, which may explain John Cena's bar fight incident, where he was stabbed in the kidneys.

Kim (guilty)- come on, that couldn't have been me. I know he sucks, but I'm way too moral to stab him. Besides, everyone knows he's just using it as an excuse so he can fuck off to go film his movie. And it's insulting since Johnny Devine was the real victim.

Luigi- anyway, let's get a move on shall we get going?

And so the crew along with Luigi set off to the Mushroom Kingdom. On their way there, they spot a few well-known landmarks.

Terry- wow, I never knew you had ties with Donkey Kong (sees a poster of the old Donkey Kong game).

Luigi- well, that was a when Donkey Kong had a reputation as a misogynistic wife beater, plus he was a crack dealer, who smuggled 50 million gold coins worth of Marijuana bananas in his barrels. Mario was paid a shit load of cash to take him in to the Nintendo police. He was known as "Jump man" in those days.

Kim- wow, Mario. I never knew you studied Ninjitsu (spots a statue of what looks to be Mario in a Ninja costume).

Mario- oh, that? No it's just my ancestor, Dr Yang wasn't it? He used to fight ancient Japanese baddies with his apprentice Goemon.

The gang briefly see a picture of a boo-diddly ghost with a sad expression on his face, as they turn away, the ghost's picture comes to life (or in this case, after-life) and starts to follow them, intent on murder homicide, and other ghastly stuff. As it moves in for the kill it is then hit by a speeding truck, and ends up splattered on the windshield.

Truck driver- shit! No again. (uses the windshield wipers to smear the ghost off) that's better…AAHH!! (crash into a wall, the truck explodes).

Meanwhile, Mario, Terry, Kim and Luigi finally reach their destination, which is Mario and Luigi's home, after they moved out from their flat (see chapter 1). It looks like a typical Middle American penthouse with, Mushroom type roof, a swimming pool in the backyard, along with a Jacuzzi, and other such Luxuries.

Terry- Is that the house we're supposed to share?

Kim- It's nice. It's got a Jacuzzi and even a swimming pool.

Luigi- If it wasn't for the money we've been making from the end, we'd never been able to pay for it.

Mario- It's quite a nice mushroom, man. The garden's lovely, look, we've even got cool mushroom plants.

Kim- Uh yeah, Mario. Anyway I bet it's even more exciting inside. Let's go look.

Indeed they go look inside, and for a drugged up plumber, he's got fucking nice penthouse, kind of like the ones you see on MTV cribs. Well, expect for the horrible Mushroom patterned wallpaper. Mari and Luigi guide them around the house. They enter the first room through the hallway.

Mario- This is our living room. You'll notice that it has a luxury sofa, and a "toad-stool", with a Gameboy-shaped TV set courtesy of Nintendo.

Terry- nice, I like the theme here. Very Nintendo-ish.

They then go upstairs, and to their special room, and most interesting one in the house. It is like an office-sized room, with various Nintendo and Mario type memorabilia surrounding it, from posters and videogame titles, to even action figures with the kung fu grip. Terry and Kim are impressed.

Luigi- and this is where we store our most prized possessions. Here you see some of the old Super Mario titles.

Kim- solid. (sees a framed picture of Mario in a steel cage hitting Pikachu with a barbed-wired steel chair, whilst Luigi is Piledriving Wigglypuff through a table). What's with this picture?

Mario- oh, that this is when we went to CZW's "Cage Of Death 4"™ we wrestled in a hardcore tag match, we were promoting "Super Smash bros Melee" on the Gamecube. But the tour was nice, and the guys in the back are pretty friendly once you got to know them.

Terry- (Sees the Dr. Mario cartridge) so how did Dr. Mario come about?

Mario- I have no idea what I was thinking, or smoking at the time, but I can tell you one thing, that game cost me my job (see first chapter)

Terry- (sees a CD cover with Mario dresses as John Cena) wow, I never knew you did a rap CD.

Mario- to be honest, I completely forgot about it. I remember doing a rap song or the "Super Mario Land" theme tune, but little else I remember.

Kim- (sees a rolled up poster of the "Super Mario bros movie) hey, guys. Look what I found.

Mario (quickly scrunches up the paper, and quickly throws it in the bin) err, okay then that concludes the tour of the house. Lemme show you to your rooms.

Mario and Luigi show their guests to their own rooms, each of them looking like normal rooms, except for the fact that the furniture is all mushroom shaped, and the wallpaper has the horrible Mushroom, leaf, star and flower patterns on.

We leave our heroes for now, as they get ready for another fun-filled adventure, where anything, amazingly cute, and completely trippy goes on in the Magic-Mushroom Kingdom. See you next time folks (does the teeth sparkle sound effect, as credits roll).

Note- the John Cena/stabbing thing, oh fuck here we go. For those that watch WWE, the story according to them is that John Cena (the piss poor White boy rapper) was "stabbed" in a bar, and suffered several "punctures" to his kidney, when in truth it was just a work (which in wrestling terms means that this isn't truth, it's staged) and an excuse to go film a movie in Australia. For some stupid reason, WWE fans started to send "Get well" cards to him, and in the WWE they did this stupid angle where Carlito Caribbean Cool (the guy who beat Cena for his US title) was the main suspect. This stupid storyline has been going on for weeks, and despite evidence proving otherwise (the Bagpipe report admitted this, and even Wrestling journalist, Bryan Alvarez stated this) some people (mainly guys in my college) STILL believe that John Cena was legitimately stabbed. To make matters worse, NWA TNA's Johnny Devine (of the Team Canada faction) was legitimately stabbed in a in a bar fight, so my guess is that the WWE are just really taking the piss at the expense of another person's legit injury. How low can they get?

Note 2- Super smash bros. Melee, a brilliant, All-Star Nintendo themed scrap-fest for the Gamecube. It had characters from Mario and Luigi, to Kirby and Samus-Aran from Metroid. The whole "Cage of Death" thing was based on Combat Zone Wrestling's PPV extravaganza "Cage of Death" and also a picture I once drew of Mario smashing Pikachu with a steel chair, which my sister found hilarious.

Note 3- the "Mario rap" thing I vaguely remember. I can't remember the group name, but they did a rap song using the "Super Mario Land theme", and I remember that there was a Mario mascot in the music video, but I can't remember if it was good or completely crap. Boo-diddly was the ghost villain in Super Mario bros, that stands stil when you face it, but as you turn your back, it start to follow you.

Note 4- This was kind of a Nintendo history lesson. Mario used to be known as "Jump-man", and Donkey Kong used to be a wife-beating, barrel throwing thug. Dr Yang was the sidekick of Goemon from Mystic Ninja on the SNES. He basically looked like Mario in a Ninja costume.


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